Biggest tree lie you’ve heard (or said?!)

[climbingmonkey24]

I once looked at a job near my house. Huge oak tree with horizontal leader with multiple branches growing off of it right over the house.

I explained how everything would have to be pieced out, roped out, etc. which is why the price was what is was and the person told me to just tie a rope to it and pull it away from the house with a pickup truck. The fuck?

Now fast forward a couple years. I'm pretty sure I saw another tree company craning that same lead out from over the roof last year. Not sure exactly if it's the same tree and same customer because I didn't go down the street, but it certainly looked like that's where they were working.

 

[flushcut]

The bark shedding and fungi are so last week.

The whole crown has rotted and broken down to 6" wood.

 

[Fivepoints]

"It's healing itself" a utility clearance supervisor said to a customer about a poplar with a rotten base that extended all the way to the other side of the tree.

 

[Bendroctanus]

“The secret to getting pitch off is….cat pee.”

 

[Boomslang]

Reduced a cedar hedge to essentially a bunch of sticks at the customer's request. Afterward....."it'll grow back, right?"

Me: "suuuuure"

 

[Jonny]

New Employee: “ I’ve been cutting for years, I’m pretty good with a chainsaw.”

Proceeds to make it scream at a pitch I wasn’t aware the saw was capable of, leaving stubs all over the piece he’s trying to limb and buck, hits the dirt, doesn’t notice the saw is now dull to the point of being useless, and gets the bar pinched multiple times.

 

[evo]

Long way back and not tree related I had a drunk guy sitting at a table in my section. Dude was a prick and never opened the menu. When I took his order he exclaimed ‘just give me a burger’
Confused since I’ve never eaten red meat, I tried teasing out what kind of burger he wanted by asking some questions. The prick just held fast ‘you know just a slab of meat’.
I said fuck it and plugged in a side patty, just a slab of meat.. I delivered it and he started screaming jumping out of his chair yelling. I 86’d his ass, with the trespassing card.
Now I knew what a burger was but we had 8 different kinds on the menu, and wasn’t in the mood to take his shit.

true story, his friends apologized and left a fat tip. But I had a meeting with the manager the next day

 

[Reach]

New Employee: “ I’ve been cutting for years, I’m pretty good with a chainsaw.”

Proceeds to make it scream at a pitch I wasn’t aware the saw was capable of, leaving stubs all over the piece he’s trying to limb and buck, hits the dirt, doesn’t notice the saw is now dull to the point of being useless, and gets the bar pinched multiple times.

Did you just hire my father?

 

[chiselbit]

It just a little pile of brush.

And there are no rocks or metal in it!

 

[ghostice]

The task was to brush out about an acre to an acre and a half of shabby poplar/ spruce mix.
Me: You've used chainsaws before?
He: Sure, lots.
Then, a short while later, coming around from the back of the property . . . .
He: Why's this stupid chainsaw smoking so much? It must be faulty. Doesn't wanna cut.
Me (after inspection): It'd probably help not trying to run it with your chain brake on.
(No kidding - yet another story from the wilds of the Canadian just gotta do it yourself acreage owners historical society)

 

[Helmstein]

Lol. When you put it that way it sounds stupid. Haha

Why would you want your competition to be more competitive?

I think most people bid what they need to in order to cover costs and profit. I doubt logo tape would change that.

 

[Neill]

What’s wrong?
I don’t know, the saw isn’t working…

Saw is full of fabric from hitting his chainsaw chaps- a total birds nest in the sprocket dangling everywhere

 

[MA Arborist]

“My wife said that I must get quotes from three different tree businesses.”

 

[VenasNursery]

Well when the customer wants something for nothing or wants something ridiculous our guy in the sky keeps a few pics of nest up in the tree (squirrel-raccoon-bird) he has been known to show the home owner to get out of doing some dumb or free stuff
Brilliant and kind of embarrassing but it works

 

[MA Arborist]

“Look at how high that bird house is! When I put it up Years ago it was closer to the ground.”

 

[Treezybreez]

I think the most common lie I hear is, "I would have taken that tree down myself, but my wife won't let me".

 

[JeffGu]

I once cut down George Washington with a cherry tree.

 

[JD3000]

A competitor of yours said he could "green this tree up" easily.

Hopelessly chlorotic red maple.

 

[Chris Schultz]

It’s 3:30 in the afternoon, you’ve been climbing all day, and just spill out of your spurs and saddle…. Boss: Ah I’ve got “quick” takedown just down the street…..

 

[27RMT0N]

Me: "Sure, I'd be happy to come back to the job I already finished and you said you were very happy with, and do this extra work you are asking about for no additional cost."