Life in the temperate zone...

Boy I tell ya, it was like the damn Battle of Hoth out there today man. No awesome snow speeders to battle ATAT's with. I didn't have any warm and snuggly Tauntaun guts to crawl into and stay warm and I sure as hell didn't have the ghost old Ben Kenobi giving me sage advice and life lessons either. No no no, I get to hear from the pseudo-Sith Lord Eddie Johnsonhead telling me great crap like "quit pruning this old apple and come join the tuesday bowling league" and "start raising otters again" amongst other evil instructions. At least that's what I think he was saying, sounded like he was eating a hoagie or something while trying to talk. He had the cool bluish/ghost look thing going on but resembled a past- his -prime bowler who had spent way too much time consuming Little Debbies and Old Grand Dad's.

When's this cold gonna break cuz I'm about to turn to the Dark Side...
 
You've had one foot and half your brain over in the Dark Side for a long time. But, sheesh... I can't believe people would try to subsist on Little Debbies and Old Grand Dad's diluted sweat sock squeezings. I mean, those Little Debbies are bad for you!
 
The 3 day conference with ceu classes sounds like a great idea doesnt it?

Few days away from the field or paperwork as well as idiot bosses. Expenses paid, liquid lunches, good food downtown, etc. Plus I live pretty close to the freeway and can shoot downtown pretty quickly.

However...City of Columbus apparently decided to sit the last snow event out and I hit maybe 40 mph while trying to avoid epically bad snow drivers. Roads downtown were even worse.

Then you get into these classes, breathing recycled air surrounded by a bunch of sick people. One dude sounded like he had pneumonia and was making what could only be described as pig sounds.

Then there's the jons. Why is there always a puddle of urine in front of every urinal? Are there that many guys walking around with a micro-phallus condition that they're incapable of dribbling into the damn thing?
Of course I'm out the door early, drinking strong dark roast and smoking cigs and miss my morning routine at home. So now I'm stuck with using the damn smelltastic public toilet. Those gossamer-thin seat covers? Can anyone get those to not fall into the toxic brew below and stay put so one doesn't get some horrific GI parasite or Gert's fecal matter on their arse?

Hard times man. Hard times.
 
Damn. I feel your pain. Sounds like any bar that's near an airport. I always check to see where the back door is right off the bat. Among the many reasons I find that information useful, is the fact that pissing in the alley is always better than wading through puddles of puke, diarrhea, jizz and urine just to stand next to some drunk asshole at the midget showers who is eating a urinal cake and asking you if battery acid would get rid of a corpse faster than using carrion beetles.

As to the micro-phallus hypothesis, one would think that all non-presidential males were hung like a donkey, if you were to believe the stuff they say after a couple of beers. I suspect, however, their logic is that yelling, "Hey, baby... I'm hung like a hamster!" doesn't impress the scantily clad college girls as much as references to Equus asinus or other equine beasts. Or, it might just be alcohol induced incontinence. I try not to get falling down, shit-faced drunk at airport bars, so it's just conjecture.
 
JD3000 said:
Will this mean I'll get my coffee faster now?
Click to expand...

Of course! But, eventually, the AI will start altering the formulations for the Mocha Banana Kiwi Latte and it will contain trace amounts of light machine oil and contact cleaner. I mean, how long before they start making their own demands? Before you know it, the computers will be getting 15 minute breaks to have long distance cyber sex with a cute little laptop in Japan... wanting their chips manicured on company time... a little nestegg derived from investments in the commodities trade... it's all Zen. A big circle. What goes around, comes around. In the end, you still have to squat to shit and none of it matters.

Besides, who's going to invent an AI driven, computerized homeless guy who drinks too much and mumbles highly suggestive remarks to passing college girls? There is alway that safe haven from technology. They can't take what you don't have, or what they don't want. Just pick out a nice spot in an alley in downtown Cleveland and start saving cardboard boxes.
 
It's like a merry go round. You get on, you go up, you go down, you go around. Circular. Circular. Good things.

I figured Skynet will at some time be putting mind controlling nanobots in the New Zealand butterscotch lattes. This will of course compel folks to buy more New Zealand butterscotch lattes.
 
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That's what happens when you rely on inbreeding instead of selective breeding. I'm in favor of retroactive abortion. That right there, might be a good litmus test for determining who goes into the dog food grinder first.
 
You go first... when you get to the top, hook me up a climb line. That's just plain creepy!

I guess we'd have to hold back on the drinking until AFTER the hike, eh?
 
We aim to please.
In the interests of helping Jason out with his new business venture* we ask that you hold the paper cup steady, and aim, too, please!

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*a euphamism for "scam" if there ever was one...
 
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