Life in the temperate zone...

Holy Hell they turned A Christmas Story into a musical.

Wife insists on watching this steaming coil so I'm going downstairs to drink by myself and listen to records.
 
JeffGu said:
I gave up duck hunting.
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When I was learning to hunt with Dad we'd walk the woods. He had the shotgun I had the 22. I asked him why he didn't duck hunt. He asked if I liked the walk and weather. I did. He said 'Good duck weather is cold and rainy and sitting in a wet boat with a smelly dog. Which is better?' Dad was so smart!
 
A wise man. Can't hunt from a boat in this state, so we sat in a makeshift blind, in the rain, with two smelly dogs and a catalytic heater and drank black coffee until we all had to pee so bad the nearest tree to the blind would start leafing out in October before the last drop of piss got shook off. Of course, an entire flock of ducks would land in our decoy set while we were doing this, and our shotguns were all leaning against the blind. The dogs would look at us like we were just plain stupid.

Being the genius that I think I am, I decided we needed to buy two store mannequins, and dress them up like duck hunters. We'd fix one so it looked like it was eating a ham sandwich, and the other one we'd fix up with one of those fountain pumps so it was constantly pissing on a tree. We'd lean a couple of old, pawn shop shotguns against the tree, too... just to complete the illusion. We were certain that this would fool even the wariest of ducks and geese. Unfortunetly, when we priced store mannequins, the whole plan fell apart. For crying out loud, I could buy a couple of Asian sex slaves for what they get for a store mannequin.

I still think it's a killer idea, guaranteed to bring ducks in from neighboring states. I'll probably never know for certain, though... the misery of duck hunting is bad enough itself, but I actually can't stand wild duck. My wife can't stand the smell of them, even. But then, that party pooper won't even go ice fishing with me, either. Every time I bring it up, she offers to start heating up my swivel chair with a propane torch so I can thaw my frozen ass out when I get back... assuming I don't fall through the ice and freeze to death.

So, I haven't been ice fishing since... umm.... about 1972, I think.
 
Holy crap. We've only had about 3 inches of snow, but it was -15* Fuckinheit out there when I got up. Up to a balmy 5 degrees, now. When the sun goes down, the deficit degrees will pile up, again. We'll owe a bunch of degrees. Congress needs to do something. This is no way to run a country. So many people froze their ass off last night, there's a trail of buttcheeks leading to Walmart.
 
We're a little warmer here but not much. We'll get some clipper snow tonight but no lake effect like up north. This must be the fault of previous administrations I'm sure.

Tonight were playing the final installment of 2017's THE IN-LAW'S ARE HERE AND I'M GONNA STRANGLE SOMEBODY...

I'll fill you in tomorrow with a tally of all the damage and idiotic things said and done.
 
We're going to have a tropical heatwave tomorrow... like -4* F for a high. Great. Guess I won't have to mow the lawn.

JD3000 said:
...a tally of all the damage...
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Don't forget the body count! I know you can't disclose the disposal sites, methods, etc. but a body count... er... a count of the people who didn't stay overnight... that can't really be construed as an admission of guilt, or anything.
 
Weather forecasters totally blew it once again. We took off for NH Thursday afternoon with the mistaken belief that the worst of the cold was past. Skied all day Thursday and the high was minus 8! To their credit, the young ones hung in there like champs and we skied a full day.
 
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Jeff said:
...the young ones hung in there like champs...
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Ah, such is their nature. Remember when you were a kid and could ride a sled down a huge hill, over and over again, in weather unfit for any proper mammal except a polar bear? I remember doing stuff like that... I just can't remember how the hell I got up the motivation to actually attempt such things! Now, I look out the window and think, "Damn it looks cold out there!" and I feel the motivation draining... after a few cups of coffee, I go out and start the truck. It coughs and sputters and seems to be reluctant about the weather, too. I go inside and give it 20 minutes longer than necessary to warm up, go down the street, stop at Casey's and have a few more cups of coffee... mosey around a bit, go home. Eventually, I waste enough time that I can use the excuse that it will be dark before I can get anything done, so fuck it, I'm staying inside. A kid would get out in that ugly mess and find all sorts of adventure and trouble to get into, and wouldn't slither back home until well past dark.

JD3000 said:
...the latest in-laws escapade...
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Is it written in stone, somewhere, possibly in cunieform, that once you become an in-law you are required by popular convention and Rule of Law to act like a complete asshole? Somehow, I didn't get the memo on this. It's like entropy... I can't quite grasp why it needs to be this way... but, there it is. As reliable and predictable as the motion of the planets and as annoying as a rat terrier who thinks your socks are a personal affront to his canine sensibilities.
 
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