Life in the temperate zone...

JeffGu · Dec 22, 2016

What are the odds of finding a wood nympho, dressed like that, in Nebraska when it's -17*F outside?
Fat, cornfed heifers dressed like lumberjacks just don't do it for me, no matter how much beer I drink. I have to switch to bourbon and LSD, to make that work.

JD3000 · Dec 22, 2016

You need a Pan flute first.

JD3000 · Dec 22, 2016

And then a fur outfit and a helmet with horns...

JeffGu · Dec 23, 2016

Sheesh. That stuff is somewhere in the back of a closet, with all that other crap in that big bag marked EVIDENCE ROOM or some such shit.

Don't these Wood Nympho types hang out in bars, with comfortable seating and respectable temperatures?

JD3000 · Dec 23, 2016

Woodland hippy dippy pagan creatures have libations brought to them.

Also, they dont have pockets to carry any $$$.

JD3000 · Dec 23, 2016

Of course they only occasionally bathe in vernal pools and eat shit they find under rocks so... Yeah just head to the bar instead.

oldoakman · Dec 23, 2016

The redhead just looks scary. The other two look like they are on their way to a to Roman orgy.

JD3000 · Dec 23, 2016

Good ol woodland nymphs. Good times.

JeffGu · Dec 23, 2016

Hey, nothing wrong with a Roman Orgy.... toga party! Mazola Oil party!
I do, however, avoid wife swapping parties. Last time I went to one of those, this asshole calls me 3 days later and wants his pickup truck back. I told him, "A deal is a deal, buddy!"

Just not worth the headaches.

JeffGu · Dec 23, 2016

oldoakman said:
The redhead just looks scary.

Yeah, I'd step right over the top of her, looking for a good place to wank.

Oroboros · Dec 31, 2016

So I just read this entire thread. And now my legs are asleep and I can't stand up to wipe my ass ! Thanks for nuthin !

Oh and happy new year !

JD3000 · Dec 31, 2016

Have a cool refreshing drink.

JeffGu · Dec 31, 2016

JD3000 · Dec 31, 2016

Other refreshments available upon request.

Vegans quite welcome.

Remember to tip your server.

Oroboros · Dec 31, 2016

Ooh la la !
You fellas make me feel so welcome !

On second thought,that may not be such a good thing.

rope-a-dope · Dec 31, 2016

Most vegetables are too soft skinned for a good scrubbin. That's why I stick with trees.

JD3000 · Dec 31, 2016

Enjoy. I'd recommend some olive oil or some other type lubricant first.

Cant say we're not accommodating.

JD3000 · Dec 31, 2016

Or perhaps something closer to home would be more to your liking. Durian is an acquired taste after all.

Again, please include gratuity for your server.

TimBr · Dec 31, 2016

@JD3000; That last one is one heck of a pine cone, if that's even the right term for it. Not to distract from the humorous tone of this thread for too long, but is there any chance you know what species of tree produced such a thing? It is simply amazing. Thanks in advance for any answer you choose to give.

Tim