Life in the temperate zone...

Hey Jeff...
When the hell did "Obnoxious Rapping Teenager Trick or Treating Without a Costume and Holding a Plastic Grocery Bag" become a Halloween costume? Wasnt last night supposed to be a fun night for the little ones and an excuse for chicks to dress slutty?
 
Oh, gawd... the crazy bitch is out, again... she lives half a block away, and every night she's out there yelling "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty..." with that fuggin' screechy howl like old farm wives used to use calling chickens in for the night. Drives me nuts, cuz she keeps it up for twenty minutes. And, here's the kicker... they're NOT HER FUCKING CATS! She just calls every stray cat and family pet within a mile to her house, let's them in and feeds them. The guy across the street owns one of these cats, and he hates this shit. His cat is getting so fat the poor bastard waddles like a duck and his dick is dragging in the dirt. It's like she's feeding them pork fat and bananas, or something. Friggin' lunatic should be dragged off to the nuthouse for an evaluation. This is probably the only town in America where the cats all weigh 30 lbs. and suffer from ateriosclerosis and high cholesterol. The things get splattered all over the streets all the time... probably too fat to dodge the cars, anymore. The woman is a public menace.
 
JeffGu said:
Oh, gawd... the crazy bitch is out, again... she lives half a block away, and every night she's out there yelling "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty..." with that fuggin' screechy howl like old farm wives used to use calling chickens in for the night. Drives me nuts, cuz she keeps it up for twenty minutes. And, here's the kicker... they're NOT HER FUCKING CATS! She just calls every stray cat and family pet within a mile to her house, let's them in and feeds them. The guy across the street owns one of these cats, and he hates this shit. His cat is getting so fat the poor bastard waddles like a duck and his dick is dragging in the dirt. It's like she's feeding them pork fat and bananas, or something. Friggin' lunatic should be dragged off to the nuthouse for an evaluation. This is probably the only town in America where the cats all weigh 30 lbs. and suffer from ateriosclerosis and high cholesterol. The things get splattered all over the streets all the time... probably too fat to dodge the cars, anymore. The woman is a public menace.
Click to expand...
Does she sound anything like Hillary?
 
Hey Jeff,
So Captain Fuckwad Von Clownstick beat Suzy Bleedingheart Elitist. Where does this development leave the average working stiff such as myself?
 
Don't worry, you'll still be able to support the lavish lifestyle of all those billionaires with your tax dollars, like you always have. Nothing to panic over. Your democracy is still selling to the highest bidder, the rich are still getting richer, and corporations are people. All is in harmony.

Still, you might want to set aside a nice hank of 5/8" rigging line for the lynching after the impeachment party.
 
Yeah but those toddler size socks must have set you back more than expected.

I thought I'd fashion myself a pair of fur skivies. But, as it turns out, you should really make sure that your mammal of choice is in fact quite dead first.
 
Of course. Badgers and wolverines, bobcats and grizzly bears, mink, and oppossum are especially notorious for having a less than congenial disposition when it comes to being shit on or run through the spin cycle.
 
I'm reminded, for some odd reason, of that time the Russians decided to humiliate the Americans by ordering 200,000 prophylactics for their army, from a U.S. company. The specifications were for a 5" diameter and 24" length. The good folks at Trojan Brand Products fulfilled the order in a timely manner, and when the Russians opened the crates, they found that all of the rubbers were stamped "SIZE: MEDIUM" down the side.
 
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