Fuck

evo said:
Alright, here’s the deal. You either are ready to make a change or not. You will likely need to hit fucken rock bottom and come to the cross roads. Until then rationalization will probably get the most of you.
Get real with your self. Do you seriously want to change? Can’t do this shit half assed
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Right! That is the deal.

And a good, honest start might be to define what addictions, exactly, we are talking about. As someone who has been a compulsive overeater, a chronic drinker, a drug user, and so on, I am baffled by your mention of "food," so please be clear about what's troubling you. I do know that all inputs/obsessions/addictions can merge and muddy the waters even more. During my "suicidal" overeating phase, I could only stop a binge with a glass of whiskey, so those connections are very real. Be aware that conditions like wheat allergies, sensitivities to chemicals, etc., can make everything from toast to booze to perfumed dryer-sheets into mind-altering substances.

Be honest with yourself, your mates, and your doctors. I used to diet and restrain my drinking for a month before doctors' visits--and immediately drive from there to the liquor store, or the weed dispensary, or the pizza shop, or all three. When I could no longer "control" myself for the requisite month, I visited the doctor in all my fat, lethargic "glory," and told him that I drank vodka by the quart and abused over-the-counter drugs in order to sleep. After he explained the rarity of patients revealing such truths, he asked me about the negative thoughts in my head. Would I be interested in trying Zoloft, which takes about six weeks to start working? I did, and about six weeks later I found myself humming and thinking happy thoughts while out pruning one day. Until that moment, I was "unable" to achieve that level of self-comfort/ease without booze, food, drugs, etc.

Zoloft changed my life for the better, so please do not condemn the idea of trying anti-depressants. Some of our brains lack the proper chemical mix--and our attempts to correct that balance by ingesting even more shit is seldom the answer. Also, do not underestimate the detrimental power of food addictions. At my worst, I had boxes of Triscuits near my bed, on my bicycle, in my car--all used to control my mood during addictive cycles of uplift and crashing. I once drove my friends down to Seattle for a concert: At the end of the day, they said, "John, we don't know what the hell is in those Triscuits, but you cannot function for very long without them!"

Anything can become a physical/emotional addiction. Think about what you are putting in your mouth, monitor the results, and work to avoid the stuff that takes you down.... If your house and your vehicle are full of air-fresheners and your clothes are laden with scents, start by throwing all that shit out and opening the windows. That shit is very similar to breathing gasoline all day--something you may be doing already.
 
My sister, my only sibling, has had addictions since about age 16. She's 63 now. She has never sought or accepted professional help to address the roots of her problems. I don't know if that would allow her to overcome her demons, but not getting help sure hasn't worked.

She currently abuses alcohol, though her substance of choice has varied over the years. I thought she was going to get sober back in March after one too many concussions from drunken falls put her in the hospital. She was in ICU for a week due to the severity of her alcohol withdrawal. Had an emergency craniotomy for the brain bleed after 8 days and then a 2nd craniotomy 12 hours later. 50 staples in her shaved head to close the incision. Altogether 5 weeks of hospital and inpatient physical rehab. I arranged for her to go directly from physical rehab to inpatient alcohol rehab with her agreement. Then she bailed on alcohol rehab the day before she was supposed to go, decided to go back home and be with her alcoholic ex-husband who moved into her house while she was in ICU. So of course she's drinking again. She can't drive or work, uses a walker to get around. I would have thought those events would have qualified as rock bottom (though plenty of past events are contenders), but apparently not.
 
JCB said:
Would I be interested in trying Zoloft, which takes about six weeks to start working? I did, and about six weeks later I found myself humming and thinking happy thoughts while out pruning one day. Until that moment, I was "unable" to achieve that level of self-comfort/ease without booze, food, drugs, etc.
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It took a soul-butchering stretch for me to do that (lamictal and escitalopram in my case), and it made smiling easier. Also going 2.5 years without drinking on the 10th(tomorrow!!) which has helped. No the drugs don’t fix everything, nor does talk therapy, or any one thing, or probably any fucking thing. But stacking the deck in one’s favor can make life more tenable.
 
I see, so y’all think I just CHOOSE to be this way. It’s just a lack of effort or lack of discipline. Well GUESS WHAT? I’ve been in an addiction program for the last 4 years. I see a counselor every 1-2 weeks. I get up every morning and exercise before I go to work. So ya, I guess maybe I am fucking doing something to try and take back my life.

Except it ain’t working!!!!! It’s not as easy as you think. I’ve been fighting for 27 years for my life so don’t tell me I’m just going about it half ass.

I highly regret with every ounce of my being even making this thread.


Just another loser who doesn’t try hard I guess right? Bunch of fucking BULLSHIT
 
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I thought I always presented myself as someone who was passionate about tree work and tree climbing, evidently it has turned into me just being the loser who has issues
 
climbingmonkey24 said:
I see, so y’all think I just CHOOSE to be this way. It’s just a lack of effort or lack of discipline. Well GUESS WHAT? I’ve been in an addiction program for the last 4 years. I see a counselor every 1-2 weeks. I get up every morning and exercise before I go to work. So ya, I guess maybe I am fucking doing something to try and take back my life.

Except it ain’t working!!!!! It’s not as easy as you think. I’ve been fighting for 27 years for my life so don’t tell me I’m just going about it half ass.

I highly regret with every ounce of my being even making this thread.
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I never once made the judgement that this is a chosen path. However, every day is a string of decisions made. With addictions there are three things at play, #1 the substance it's self (can be as simple as chasing a dopamine fix), #2 the chemical make up and interaction with brain/behavior, #3 what is hardwired into the person themselves (DNA etc)..

I literally grew up in outpatient rehab, my dad owned the only outpatient D&A business in the poorest county in Oregon. My mom worked in the vocational school system as a D&A counselor.

Forgive yourself for the situation your in, some how some way you became addicted to what your drug of choice is. Now it's out of your control, and you must learn the tools to regain control. Fighting the addiction isn't as simple as simply stopping the drug, as you WILL FAIL every attempt. The true battle is fixing the behavior, and while that is simple to say it's likely the most difficult things anyone can do.

I dislike the god crap, but these words are so very true.

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference."

You are the only thing that you CAN change, you cannot change OTHERS. The question is do you have the COURAGE to make the deep changes you need to do in order to overcome your addiction? You are an addict, that WONT change. Recognize and change your behavior which leads you to seek out your addiction.

It's irritatingly simplistic, but "How do you try to close a door?".. Key word is try... You can't try, you either do it, or you don't.
 
All I want is to be happy, to be able to post on here about tree work / tree climbing and not other BS...to not feel so empty inside about everything...

I get up every morning and workout No matter what because it’s the only thing that keeps me true to myself. I go to a clinic once a month where I’m drug tested to make sure I’m not using, I see a counselor. I try with every ounce of my being to fight for myself but I don’t seem to succceed.

Im just tired...if’s not from a lack of trying either.

I regret so much making the decision to start using opiates again last year after being off for so long
 
On the contrary, I’m fighting with everything I have in me. I guess maybe I’m just feel alone while at it, hence what every couple months I make these incoherent posts
 
climbingmonkey24 said:
All I want is to be happy, to be able to post on here about tree work / tree climbing and not other BS...to not feel so empty inside about everything...

I get up every morning and workout No matter what because it’s the only thing that keeps me true to myself. I go to a clinic once a month where I’m drug tested to make sure I’m not using, I see a counselor. I try with every ounce of my being to fight for myself but I don’t seem to succceed.

Im just tired...if’s not from a lack of trying either.

I regret so much making the decision to start using opiates again last year after being off for so long
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You are not alone, as evidenced by the three pages of caring responses to your messages. There's not one person above who has not been trying to empathize with you and help you. You say that this is the only place you can rant; if so, please use the help you find here and quell any thoughts that we are not listening, or not trying to support you. We are doing our best, just as you are.

That said, this is the first time (that I am aware of) that you have given us the slightest details of your existence and your addictions--even though several of us have continued to ask for your input. It's pretty tough to be here for you when we know so little about your situation. I suggest that, at a time that you are feeling your most clear-headed, you try to outline your story for us (maybe do that while visiting with your counselor). I'm sure there are lots of people here who could relate to your issues once we have a clearer picture. But you must give us a fair chance.
 
I think what is being suggested here is not that you're unwilling to "fight" for your life. What is being said is that what you're doing is not working, or is not enough by itself. You probably need more frequent check-ins with a counselor, more social accountability and perhaps some therapy to get at the root of why you started using in the first place. Maybe you've done the last thing but if you haven't, think about it.
 
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climbingmonkey24 said:
I see, so y’all think I just CHOOSE to be this way. It’s just a lack of effort or lack of discipline. Well GUESS WHAT? I’ve been in an addiction program for the last 4 years. I see a counselor every 1-2 weeks. I get up every morning and exercise before I go to work. So ya, I guess maybe I am fucking doing something to try and take back my life.

Except it ain’t working!!!!! It’s not as easy as you think. I’ve been fighting for 27 years for my life so don’t tell me I’m just going about it half ass.

I highly regret with every ounce of my being even making this thread.


Just another loser who doesn’t try hard I guess right? Bunch of fucking BULLSHIT
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Addictions are like a disease that you choose to catch. The first time you used, you did that on your own. You had a choice.

The second time, you probably still had a choice, you weren’t truly hooked yet.

By the tenth time, you were quite hooked and you were no longer making a choice, you were in the throes of an addiction and could not stop on your own, but you probably thought you could.

Now, many, many times later, you are no longer in control and you know it. However, now you can stop. Not on your own, I’m sure of that, but you can stop. Make a big break, step out, and check yourself in to a rehab. Tell your counselor you want to, and need help to go, and I’m sure he will make sure you get there. Or ask and I’m sure someone here would take you. If you don’t have a friend close by, I’m only four or five hours’ drive away.
 
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