The Arborist Funny Pages!

Ready for another one?

A tree crew goes for a drink after work one friday. One of the crew is stopped by the bartender and told "you've got to leave we don't allow rope in here."

So this crew member leaves and comes up with a plan. He takes one end ties a bowline and undoes the whipping. Then he shreads up the strands. Heads back into the bar not to be refused this time.

The bartender repeats "no rope allowed in here." The rope replies "I'm a frayed knot."
 
A guy walks into a bank. He goes up to the teller and states boldly,"I want to open a bloody bank account!"
The teller replies,"What for sir?"
He says,"To iron my shirts you idiot! what do you think you moron, to put money in!"

The teller nearly fainting from the shock gasps "you can't talk to me like that sir, I'm getting the manager!"
He says,"what ever, feces for brains."

The manager joins them presently and asks,"What seems to be the problem sir?"

The man exasperated says,"Look I just won $30 million on lotto and I want to open a damn bank account but that harridan won't let me!"

Bank manger says "What? This stupid cow won't let you open a damn bank account?"
 
Get rich quick with agriculture.

A farmer thought he had a new livestock idea. He was getting 50 male deer and putting them in the same pen as 50 female pigs. With his math he thought he couldn't go wrong as he'd end up with a hundred sows and bucks.$$
 
wantedmyself.jpg
 
Well for our aerial class on friday we did some work at a campground and when we were driving in I noticed something...here the first picture to give you the seen...those are some rope lights...hanging from the trees...notice something weird?
 

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Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
 
A West Texas Rancher was being interviewed about a Ranch Rodeo he was promoting. The interviewer asked about his views other topics and got around to his concerns over terrorists being tortured. He replyed:

"If it will save one American life, I have three things to say. Red is possitive, black is negative, and make sure his nuts are wet."
 
There were 11 arborists holding on to a rope that was tied into a Tall Eucalyptus Tree. Ten were men and one woman.
They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't, the Branch would break and everyone would fall and die. No one could decide who should go. Finally the woman gave a really touching speech on how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children and giving in to men.
All of the men started clapping...
 
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