I’m done

it’s amazing to me how people you once thought were your friends abandon you as quick as they came because you go against the general consensus of some stupid forum. I’ve got no respect for people like that, and I could give two shits

It’s time to do what needs to be done, and nothing more needs to be said because I could care less about anyone else’s opinion
 
Hey man, I won't pretend to know you from a few pages of text, but I have seen this enough times to know a few things; been through it myself.... a few times.

It gets easier with time, but continuing to engage with the destructive patterns in your life will keep you running in the same circles. You tried something that some suggested that sounded amazing at the time and it didn't stick, like a permanent solution for you? Yea, that's super normal; arguably more normal than finding the best path on the first try.

You're bored? Don't just do the same old shit that wasn't working for you before, right? Do something else. If that doesn't work out, do something else. Still not working out? Try again! All that self exploration will at the very least take up a bunch of your time, and at the bare minimum, you'll learn things about yourself, and that's worth more than most things in this essentially meaningless life. Life itself doesn't have any purpose inherently, so you gotta make it mean something, and I am very aware of the challenge that can be.

I am choosing in writing this all out for you @climbingmonkey24 , because all this searching is what lead me to this way of life, in the trees. This has given me so much meaning in my life, it feels like I have found a family in you guys, and I do care about you. Feel free to dm me if you want my number, and I will hear you til you're blue in the face.
 
Chris Schultz said:
@climbingmonkey24 How long have you actually been completely sober? Most stoners are pretty fucking boring in my book, and drunks just repeat the same stupid ass stories nobody cared to hear (even once) until they pass out in their chairs….. Real exciting.
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I would agree that no sober person enjoys the company of a drunk, but I would point out that not everyone who has a single beer after work is a bore. There's also people who smoke weed that aren't stoners. Moderation isn't for everyone, but it works for some.
 
Matias said:
I would agree that no sober person enjoys the company of a drunk, but I would point out that not everyone who has a single beer after work is a bore. There's also people who smoke weed that aren't stoners. Moderation isn't for everyone, but it works for some.
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I 100% agree with you. But I feel that the person who enjoys a beer or two, and/or burning some weed on occasion, could/would stop if it lead to suicidal ideations, or mental health decline. That person also likely wouldn’t get on a forum asking for, then denying help, or trying to pick fights.
 
Chris Schultz said:
I 100% agree with you. But I feel that the person who enjoys a beer or two, and/or burning some weed on occasion, could/would stop if it lead to suicidal ideations, or mental health decline. That person also likely wouldn’t get on a forum asking for, then denying help, or trying to pick fights.
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100%. Just checkin in
 
Matias said:
I would agree that no sober person enjoys the company of a drunk, but I would point out that not everyone who has a single beer after work is a bore. There's also people who smoke weed that aren't stoners. Moderation isn't for everyone, but it works for some.
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Yes, and having a beer or two doesn’t make a person a “Drunk”. Having a few puffs of ganja doesn’t make you a “stoner” either in my book.
 
Pinhead Squirrel said:
Not to me. I deal with heavy equipments like Milling machines ,
car engines , motorcycle engines , tools, Driving oversized vehicles, regular size sedan cars on a road pedestrians and public's out there , climbing trees with my weight & my life on it & gatta watch out people below me . I dive without any scuba diving gears 20 feet below into the oceans. Holding my breath with water pressures for 5 min.
Stupid things like drinking or under influenced had causes me get killed.
I have no time for drinking or smoking even I do have heavy depressions , Anxiety , panic , PTSD , etc.
I just can't self medicated , taking any street illicit drugs or drinking , smoking .But whatever you guys do with your own time I careless . I ain't a silly cop out idiots who just wanna be powerful over others and have no solutions for themselves.
To my mind , a cup of beer causes a buzz . That's being drunk . I've seen many drunks in my life. In fact, I've worked in a dive bars in a past serving 400 drinks a nights every day 365 days 7 days a week for 5 streight years. I've drive for Taxi cabs. I drove too many drunks to thier homes safe. Also I've seen too many drunks getting killed by DUI or killing others .

And it is . I don't wanna hear those sissy mumbo jumbo I've got high tolerances talk backs from anyone.

You drink then you are drinking.

You may not agree to it that's fine you ain't me & I ain't a cop.

Ive got my responsibilities called I, My , Me Myself & I & others lives.
.
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You seem media savvy. Remember:
Only a sith deals in absolutes.
 
I just want to apologize for acting like an asshole. I regret and am embarrassed by this thread and some of the things I have wrote and bringing my own personal stuff onto a tree forum.

You guy's have tried to help, and I try to show gratitude but I also know I've done a good job of acting like I don't care at times, or being confrontational, etc. And even though it's just a forum, that's not cool. As I've said before, I've developed some friendships on here, and I value those friendships and the connections with others in the tree care / tree climbing community. It is a unique community afterall.

Ultimately though I need to take responsibility and figure things out.
 
climbingmonkey24 said:
yeah you’re right it has, thanks for the insight dude

As if I care what anyone else thinks.

What I’ve learned is if you don’t follow the click you are considered an outcast. People don’t want anything to do with you. So fuck off then
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So, ClimbingMonkey, what are you, like five years old--talking about cliques like they really affect your life! Assuming the rest of us are in the clique and are all gloriously happy? Telling us to fuck off whenever you feel like it? Expecting us to save you from yourself when you have not made an effort to save yourself? I have read ALL of your posts and you've never talked about going to meetings, scheduling counselor appointments, reading self-help materials, visiting old friends, or anything else that those of us in the "clique" have done and do to get through life.

Perhaps you should research the current levels of human loneliness and despair and then you'll realize that it's not about you and us, it's about a society in which those feelings have never been more destructive--especially among men. Suicide is at an all time high around the world, and it's no surprise. It's anomie (the only term I can recall from sociology studies because it explained so much about how I felt, then and now) among societies and individuals, a condition of instability resulting from a breakdown of standards and values or from a lack of purpose or ideals. [Émile Durkheim]

As for me, I've spent the last week feeling like shit, emotionally and physically. And, as has been my response throughout life, I feel like jumping off a building or smashing my face through a brick wall. Do I find my clique comrades (other than those in this forum) gathering around me ready to save me? No, I am alone here screaming at you (and never doubt that that's what I'm doing!). Most of my friends and relatives are dead and gone and a number of those remaining are trump supporters, which makes them as good as dead (brain-dead) to me. So, where's my clique? Where do I go to find solace?

These days, if we are lucky, we might find solace in online groups such as this, and for the record I've never found a finer, tighter-knit, more-giving online group than this. So don't come in here telling me and others to fuck off when we've done everything possible to bridge the loneliness/despair gap with you--all the while dealing with our own shit. I've enjoyed and abused booze and weed my whole life and now, due to health issues, I've had to give it all up. What am I left with to escape stress and loneliness? Me! Will I eventually be OK? Yes, I hope so. I'm trying.

We all seek affection, satisfaction, and inner peace, and we'd better grab onto it and cherish when we find it, and save it for a rainy day. I always wondered why/how my mother (a poor factory-worker who never had a pot to piss in) could capture those feelings in the simplest experiences. In fact, I thought she was unworldly, boring, and deluded (and I didn't want to be like her) until I realized that we can all find happiness if we focus on the right things.

She once went snowmobiling on a farm in Connecticut. And, over the years, I watched as she plucked that happy event (and a handful of other joyous occasions) out of thin air, and repeatedly found joy in it. Why? Because we all need an inner sanctum, a sense of belonging and serenity that the most influential cliques cannot provide.

Later in life, I gave my mother a book about drug-free pain-relief when she was suffering from cancer to the point where spasms threw her out of the chair. She voraciously read that book and took all of its lessons and techniques to heart. Subsequently, I watched as she clawed her way over to a vase of flowers--or stared at a tree's fluttering leaves outside the window--and slowly worked her way into a mental safe place that only she could produce. More than once, I watched as this powerful mind-game roused her enough that she showered, got dressed, and drove off in the car--and it was all done with her mind. No one had come to save her. The neighbors were shocked more than once because sometimes only the day before I had carried her frail self down the stairs and brought her to the oncology unit for emergency relief.

These days, I am at my best and at my happiest when I practice my mother's "self-delusional" tactics. When I was about 10 years old, depressed to the point of telling her I wanted to die, she asked me a simple question: "Do you love your grandmother, and does she make you feel good about yourself?" Yes, I said, and got on with my day.

Oh, and there's one more thing you should know about my mother: She didn't suffer fools and she didn't enable those she cared about to harm themselves without smacking them upside the head occasionally. Likewise, my father would never offer his alcoholic friend a beer; furthermore, he'd tell him outright that he'd never find a drink in our house--and that man (when sober) visited us weekly until my father died. Take help, and honest friendship, where you find it.

Best of luck. And thanks for the opportunity to yell at you until I (here and now and in real time with tears streaming down my face) have convinced myself that life is worth living. Now, if I could join that clique, I'd be really happy . . .
 
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