JCB
Branched out member
- Location
- Westport, Mass.
Good Morning, @climbingmonkey24, et al,
Just thinking about you as the holidays roll in, because I know how easy it is to think that everyone else is having a better time than you and I are--or should be. It's likely not true.
I've always thought that "socially-mandated" holidays like these should be limited to once every five years or so--as they can bring so much unhealthy stress, dashed expectations, and emotional baggage with them. Viscerally, how much time does it feel has elapsed since last Christmas? To me, it seems like five minutes. And yet we are all meant to bring on the charm offensive again--and to make it the happiest holiday yet! It's mostly bullshit, in my opinion.
Do I mean that one cannot feel a special connection to others at this time? No. What I mean is that there should be no rules or conventions in how one might choose to do that. Must it mean attending parties potentially filled with COVID, or getting loaded (for the hundredth time) in the name of having a good time? No. Must it mean spending time with folks who leave us feeling worse about ourselves, and life in general? No. Must I sit through another faked "jovial" interaction with my brother-in-law (who I know dislikes me) just to satisfy others? No. Must I again go into debt in an attempt to supply yet more unneeded, unwanted, unappreciated gifts when I know those monies could feed folks down at the food-bank? No. Should I feel guilty if I cannot contribute to the food-bank because I can hardly pay my own bills? No.
My point--and my personal goal--is to arise clear-headed each morning during the holidays, and to let myself simply enjoy whatever happens each day. And to accept that I attempt to be a kind person who tries not to squander opportunities to do the right thing for others--every day of the year. Am I able to volunteer to help others at this moment? Not this year, as I have just survived three weeks of intense COVID and am simply happy to be alive--knowing all the while that I wouldn't be had I not had all my booster vaccines (just ask my two dead cousins!). Should I feel guilty if I cannot shovel my elderly neighbor's driveway this winter? No, for perhaps I'll need the help this year--as evidenced when I asked a friend to deliver my groceries while I've been homebound.
Perhaps all I can do is hope that I will be better able to support others next year, and to do everything in my power to regain and retain my mental and physical health until then. As my father-in-law (a kind and loving man who died in his sleep) always said, "If my feet touch the floor in the morning, it's a good day." I think of the airplane instructions regarding emergency oxygen masks: "Put your own mask on first so you'll be better able to help those around you." Take care of yourself and you'll never need worry about being good enough for others.
So, by now some may be thinking, "Listen to this pompous know-it-all, sounding like he's got it all figured out--someone who has never succumbed to self-destructive vices." Wrong! On the day that I started with COVID symptoms, the self-hating part of me drove to the nearest dispensary and purchased the strongest cannabis available. In hindsight, smoking that joint was one of the stupidest, most self-destructive things I've done in years. It immediately worsened my COVID symptoms, and in quantifiable terms could have helped bury me, and I had no one to blame but myself. Will I choose a different course the next time such a situation arises? I can only hope so.
Take care; enjoy your own unadulterated company--and the company of those whose love you share--during the holidays, and maybe you and I will not suffer any hangover (or regrets) in the new year.
Peace! All the best,
JB
Just thinking about you as the holidays roll in, because I know how easy it is to think that everyone else is having a better time than you and I are--or should be. It's likely not true.
I've always thought that "socially-mandated" holidays like these should be limited to once every five years or so--as they can bring so much unhealthy stress, dashed expectations, and emotional baggage with them. Viscerally, how much time does it feel has elapsed since last Christmas? To me, it seems like five minutes. And yet we are all meant to bring on the charm offensive again--and to make it the happiest holiday yet! It's mostly bullshit, in my opinion.
Do I mean that one cannot feel a special connection to others at this time? No. What I mean is that there should be no rules or conventions in how one might choose to do that. Must it mean attending parties potentially filled with COVID, or getting loaded (for the hundredth time) in the name of having a good time? No. Must it mean spending time with folks who leave us feeling worse about ourselves, and life in general? No. Must I sit through another faked "jovial" interaction with my brother-in-law (who I know dislikes me) just to satisfy others? No. Must I again go into debt in an attempt to supply yet more unneeded, unwanted, unappreciated gifts when I know those monies could feed folks down at the food-bank? No. Should I feel guilty if I cannot contribute to the food-bank because I can hardly pay my own bills? No.
My point--and my personal goal--is to arise clear-headed each morning during the holidays, and to let myself simply enjoy whatever happens each day. And to accept that I attempt to be a kind person who tries not to squander opportunities to do the right thing for others--every day of the year. Am I able to volunteer to help others at this moment? Not this year, as I have just survived three weeks of intense COVID and am simply happy to be alive--knowing all the while that I wouldn't be had I not had all my booster vaccines (just ask my two dead cousins!). Should I feel guilty if I cannot shovel my elderly neighbor's driveway this winter? No, for perhaps I'll need the help this year--as evidenced when I asked a friend to deliver my groceries while I've been homebound.
Perhaps all I can do is hope that I will be better able to support others next year, and to do everything in my power to regain and retain my mental and physical health until then. As my father-in-law (a kind and loving man who died in his sleep) always said, "If my feet touch the floor in the morning, it's a good day." I think of the airplane instructions regarding emergency oxygen masks: "Put your own mask on first so you'll be better able to help those around you." Take care of yourself and you'll never need worry about being good enough for others.
So, by now some may be thinking, "Listen to this pompous know-it-all, sounding like he's got it all figured out--someone who has never succumbed to self-destructive vices." Wrong! On the day that I started with COVID symptoms, the self-hating part of me drove to the nearest dispensary and purchased the strongest cannabis available. In hindsight, smoking that joint was one of the stupidest, most self-destructive things I've done in years. It immediately worsened my COVID symptoms, and in quantifiable terms could have helped bury me, and I had no one to blame but myself. Will I choose a different course the next time such a situation arises? I can only hope so.
Take care; enjoy your own unadulterated company--and the company of those whose love you share--during the holidays, and maybe you and I will not suffer any hangover (or regrets) in the new year.
Peace! All the best,
JB
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