Definitely recommend a rock exotica chest roller for long ascents that won't burn the biceps too much. It was my first ascent system that got me into my first redwood. 262' with no breaks. Without it, no chance.
If you go this route, I'd use s back tie to slow the movement and allow for you to take it up as you go.
My question though would be what do you do once you cut it off at the base if you can't lower it in one piece?
Appreciate you sharing so much. You and everyone else putting themselves out there or out "here". Takes guts.
I hope you have had talks with your parents since your realization?
I think the need for protein and lean body mass in general is way underrated these days. This is especially true if you are doing hard physical work or doing resistance training. I'm currently doing intermittent fasting at least 4 days per week, and getting the right amount of protein is more...
Might help us all if you define "happy" and "free" in your terms. I'd like to know what that looks like for you. It can be different for us all, but both are good goals to have.