non-offensive joke

Here's one that seems appropriate for NJ:

An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato
garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son,
Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to
his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my
tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden
plot. If you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the
plot for me.
Love Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the
BODIES.
Love Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up
the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man
and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the
circumstances.
Love Vinnie
 
a guy walks into a bar with jumper cables under one arm, and a battery on the other. he sets them on the bar and orders a beer. the bartender says "Ok, but I dont want you startin anything in here".
 
Jesus decided to spell St. Pete at the pearly gates one day. He sees an old man hobbling toward him. When the old man gets close, Jesus asks him to sit down and tell his story.
Old man says, "Well, I was a carpenter, and for many years I was alone, then I got this wonderful son. But I lost him. Then, after three days, I found him again!
Jesus looked at the old man, and asked, "Dad, Dad?!"
The old man squints at him, and says, "Pinocchio?"
 
The title of this thread is "non-offensive joke" and you put that in here.

Perhaps you should re-consider your post and delete it.
 
The gift of telling jokes about politics, religion and sex without offending isn't given to many people. Take in inventory and see if you're one of the blessed before making an attempt at being "funny"

Something that I use to check my "humor" is to consider whether I have to think twice before posting. If so, I'll generally hit "delete" This has saved me from prying the size 10.5 boot out of my mouth :)

Judge for yourselves. In the past, the path that this thread is starting to head has run into brambles rather than staying on the high road.
 
I hear what your saying Tom.

My point was to challenge what is offensive and what isn't. Otherwise I would have gone ahead and put the punchline in.

In one line of text I could potentially be religously offensive, sexist and generally politically incorrect. Being funny was not my intention, I prefer to be more subtle with humour than that.

The question was should this go in another thread, i.e. is this offensive already without the punchline?
 
ok, lets see now...

there's two guy's standing at a urinal taking a piss, after they're finished one goes and washes his hands and the other does'nt.....

the one washing his hands says to the other...

"did'nt your mother teach to wash your hands after going to the toilet?!"

where the other guy says....

"naa, she taught me not to piss on my hands!!!"

that was good huh? /forum/images/graemlins/grin.gif
 
[ QUOTE ]
ok, lets see now...

there's two guy's standing at a urinal taking a piss, after they're finished one goes and washes his hands and the other does'nt.....

the one washing his hands says to the other...

"did'nt your mother teach to wash your hands after going to the toilet?!"

where the other guy says....

"naa, she taught me not to piss on my hands!!!"

that was good huh? /forum/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[/ QUOTE ]
Sure, but it would have been funnier if one of them was asian and the other was mexican. No wait, one should be black and the other white. No, hilarity ensues if one is an aggie and the other a longhorn (that's how I first heard it).

k
 
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