joke

[TreeDr]

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

half-gallon of 2% milk
carton of eggs
quart of orange juice
head of romaine lettuce
2 lb. can of coffee
1 lb. package of bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly
stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing
particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

 

[Babberney]

An American and an Arab got bored in the recovery ward of a hospital and decided to have a race between a wheelchair and a rollaway. Everyone got into the fun and a couple of orderlies were placing bets.
"So, who's your money on?" asked one.
The other replied, "Clearly, the Bedouin." /forum/images/graemlins/crazy.gif

 

[Leon]

Ouch! That was awful. Keep em coming! /forum/images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[TreeDr]

/forum/images/graemlins/applaudit.gifDEER MEAT

A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the venison for supper. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is - so he does not tell them.
His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for dinner?" "You'll see", says his dad.


They start eating dinner and his daughter keeps asking what they're eating.
"Ok," says her dad, "here's a hint: Its what your mother sometimes calls me."
The girl suddenly screams at her little brother, "Spit it out! It's [censored]

 

[Tom Dunlap]

Ice fishing

Last winter a buddy of mine went out to Medicine Lake for a day of ice fishing. It was a warm, calm day so he didn't need his shack. Since it was mid-week there weren't many people on the ice. He picked a spot, drilled his holes and set his tip-ups. While he was doing this he noticed an old-timer setting up a little ways away. My buddy had just gone out an bought the latest gear. Depth finder, one of the visual fish finders, all really cool techy stuff. He figured he'd have piles of fish.

As the day went on he was noticing that the old timer was pulling in the sunnies like mad. He was also painfully aware that he hadn't even gotten a hit. Grrr...that old fart isn't going to out-fish me!

Well, after a few more hours of not catching anything he HAD to walk over to talk to the old timer and find his secret.

He asked, "What's your secret? I haven't caught even one and you've got plenty?!"

"Yhvtkpthermzwm" the guy replies.

"Huh, I don't understand you?!"

"Yhvtkpthermzwm" the guy replies again.

"I'm sorry but I still can't make out what you're saying..."

The old timer opens his mouth and spits something into his hand and says,

"You have to keep the worms warm..."

 

[Mark Chisholm]

Another Joke

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?" Dad says, "Well, son, let me try to explain it this way:
>I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
>
>Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the
>Government.
>
>We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
>
>The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
>
>And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
>
>Now think about that and see if it makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
>
>So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
>
>He gives up and goes back to bed.
>
>The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I
>understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
>
>The little boy replies,
>
>"The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep.
>The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep [censored]."

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