I can't think of anything funny to say this morning. Last night I was at a wedding, didn't stay too late, but came home and watched "Borat".
I mean, who gets married on a Friday afternoon? The wedding was scheduled to start at 5PM, and I left my house at 4:15, not giving myself plenty of time, but enough time, and then WHAM! stupid I-77 backed up for 7 miles and it took me about two hours to get up to the wedding when it would normally take me about 30-40 minutes. The worst part of it all was that I drank a couple of high lifes right before getting into the car, you know, cause who wants to go to a wedding completely sober? So I'm sitting there in traffic, my girlfriend is trying to get me to calm down, but I got to pee so bad I can't think straight, and there was a pretty girl driving in the lane next to us and I kept getting caught looking at her, but what the hell else was I supposed to look at? At one point I had the cruise control set to 4 miles an hour. That's right, 4 miles an hour. But that didn't last too long. Eventually, we got through the traffic jam, but the kicker is that I saw the police and emergency lights up ahead and the emergency assistance vehicle with the big light that had an arrow flashing about a lane being closed, and right as we almost got there, all the emergency vehicles sped away and the traffic picked back up to 70 MPH. I was pretty upset that I didn't get to shake my fist at whoever it was that crashed their giant SUV because it was raining and of course when it rains you should drive like an idiot and tailgate people because safe following distances don't matter when the pavement is slick, I mean, that's why you buy a gargantuan Suburban, right? Because the next time you total your vehicle again, you won't be laid out for five weeks and not be able to take your kids to soccer practice or the dentist.
But seriously, I came home from the wedding and watched "Borat".
SZ