Life in the temperate zone...

You know you're getting old when you pull up to a hooker on the corner, and the very first thing out of her mouth?

"It's the same price, honey, whether you can get it up, or not."

Damn, bitch. That's harsh.
 
I need to rely more heavily on the Sputnik News folks for my scientifical-sounding material. Clearly, since they used more than a dozen multi-syllable words, they are at least as reliable as Fox News when it comes to hard science. No rubber monkey suit in a bathtub, here, for sure. None of that, "we need to sell some advertising space and attract hillbillies... er... consumers to our site" stuff with these guys. I wonder if they have a spare Abonimable Snowman suit in the closet, that I could borrow.

I'm ready for spring. You know, that time of year when the cold shit goes away and the weather turns nice. Or does that even happen in Ohio? Can't step outside, here, without the deafening roar of millions of geese flying overhead. Cornfields are covered with them. Goose shit and feathers everywhere.
 
Yeah nights are cold but days are getting longer and warmer. Soil temps are climbing abd GDDs slowly accumulating. Yard work has started here and I saw a blooming dandelion the other day. Baseball season is around the corner along with warm days and pleasant nights.
 
I think asparagus pee may have some untapped potential uses such as a deer repellent or something.

Maybe combining it with hangover pee could power the future rockets to Mars.
 
You might be on to something, there. Then again, some Evil Scientist type working in a secret CIA laboratory in the wastelands of Ohio might find a way to turn asparagus pee and hangover barf into a biological weapon. Then where would we be? With readily available, cheap ingredients... Anthrax could become an obsolete terrorist weapon of choice, and tens... possibly a dozen or more... of anthrax virus technicians would be thrown out onto the street, homeless and unemployed.

I need to start a pot of coffee. All this talk about complicated, scientifical stuff is making my head hurt.
 
Yeah, who am I to put the creepy government weapons scientists out of work? Then again, Capitalism being what it is, I could go forward with weapons grade asparagus hangover pee and make billions. The Russians would be falling all over themselves to get a few tankers of the stuff...

The stuff that dreams are made of.

Time for a beer, these visions of joining the upper crust of weapons baron society is making me light headed.
 
Was without a good response to a comment today which hasnt happened in a long time. I was out pruning some red maples today when this old crusty crumbum strolled up on a path. He says to me:

"This park smells like a goddamn butthole machine today."

Me: "Ummmm...sorry?"

I mean, what do you say to that? And what the hell is a butthole machine?

And don't send me pornhub links for modern day examples. Is this some slang term from the 50s I'm unfamiliar with?
 
It's all for the best. Poor Tom Dunlop would have been up all night deleting them all. His arthritis would have required two bottles of Advil. Say, now there's the guy to talk to... he probably has a butthole machine in his basement! The old style, hand-crank model, no doubt.
 
I'm sure there's starving kids in Africa who would dig through there for the peanuts and corn

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk
 
Jeff said:
Remember the Garbage Barge of 1987 that sailed up and down the east coast, looking for a place to unload? Why is it always New York trying to dump their crap on other people???

https://projects.newsday.com/long-island/long-island-garbage-barge-left-islip-30-years-ago/
Click to expand...
It's the city all they know to do is shit on anyone they can. It's why the buildings are so tall ..... Don't lump the state in with those idiots. The rest of ny wouldent be half bad if we could just cut off that festering anal wart. ( I use the term " festering anal wart " in a derogatory sense. )

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk
 
Theres a show on PBS called Finding Your Roots, very interesting stuff. Were watching episodes on Amazon Prime at our leisure.
 
Could be worse. Stumbling through the spent corn stalks and used needles near Nippletweek Creek, Nebraska aint no cakewalk.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New threads New posts

Kask Stihl NORTHEASTERN Arborists Wesspur TreeStuff.com Teufelberger Westminster X-Rigging Teufelberger
Back
Top Bottom