He\' back! Do we have to read it again?
CHAINSAW MORATORIUM
How about declaring a chainsaw moratorium for Arbor Day ?
Think of it. We'd probably spare umpty jillion trees by this new environmental commitment. And in addition:
19 fingers would stay on somebody's hands. 3,267 pairs of Levi's could still be worn the next day. And 14 metric tons of beer would be drunk at ground level instead of 40 feet in a tree.*
3,403 babies would be born 9 months later. 13,450 wives would lock themselves in the bathroom. And 2,957 loggers would have their ears pierced.
1,500,000,000 Asian Longhorn beetles would have to take a bus to get to their next lunch. 9 new posts would come into the ISA Tree Climber's Forum. And 3 of them would actually be readable.
New York would have 2,276,317 fewer rolls of toilet paper. New Jersey would file 11 lawsuits. And Guliani would order 4,114 city cops to push 751 homeless people across NJ's border.
Monica Lewinski would get 43 new offers of marriage. Linda Tripp would get 1 nose job with 10 matching shortened fingers by a California Euc man taking the day off. And 3,290 other Euc guys would spend the day topping telephone poles to sharpen their skills.
3 women living up in trees to protect them would climb down for sex. 1400 arborist's wives would climb up into trees to escape sex. And those 1400 husband-arborists would add another 52,000 liters to the metric ton beer bill.
It boggles the mind (whatever that is) about what we could accomplish.
A peaceful day for trees. Our birthday present to them by staying home. The entire ISA membership could have the opportunity to add 3 words each to the spelling dictionary.
If you like the idea, send a note of support to the "What thr Hell's Wulkowicz Doing Now?" Department at the ISA offices somewhere in Illinois and also ask for one of the new commemorative ISA C clamps designed to be put on chainsaws for Arbor Day.
Thank you for your attention. We will now return to our regular programming.
Bob Wulkowicz Somewhere in NS
* Endorsed by MAFA (Mothers Against Falling Arborists) and the Cornell Chapter MADAA (Mothers Against Downward Accelerating Arborists)
CHAINSAW MORATORIUM
How about declaring a chainsaw moratorium for Arbor Day ?
Think of it. We'd probably spare umpty jillion trees by this new environmental commitment. And in addition:
19 fingers would stay on somebody's hands. 3,267 pairs of Levi's could still be worn the next day. And 14 metric tons of beer would be drunk at ground level instead of 40 feet in a tree.*
3,403 babies would be born 9 months later. 13,450 wives would lock themselves in the bathroom. And 2,957 loggers would have their ears pierced.
1,500,000,000 Asian Longhorn beetles would have to take a bus to get to their next lunch. 9 new posts would come into the ISA Tree Climber's Forum. And 3 of them would actually be readable.
New York would have 2,276,317 fewer rolls of toilet paper. New Jersey would file 11 lawsuits. And Guliani would order 4,114 city cops to push 751 homeless people across NJ's border.
Monica Lewinski would get 43 new offers of marriage. Linda Tripp would get 1 nose job with 10 matching shortened fingers by a California Euc man taking the day off. And 3,290 other Euc guys would spend the day topping telephone poles to sharpen their skills.
3 women living up in trees to protect them would climb down for sex. 1400 arborist's wives would climb up into trees to escape sex. And those 1400 husband-arborists would add another 52,000 liters to the metric ton beer bill.
It boggles the mind (whatever that is) about what we could accomplish.
A peaceful day for trees. Our birthday present to them by staying home. The entire ISA membership could have the opportunity to add 3 words each to the spelling dictionary.
If you like the idea, send a note of support to the "What thr Hell's Wulkowicz Doing Now?" Department at the ISA offices somewhere in Illinois and also ask for one of the new commemorative ISA C clamps designed to be put on chainsaws for Arbor Day.
Thank you for your attention. We will now return to our regular programming.
Bob Wulkowicz Somewhere in NS
* Endorsed by MAFA (Mothers Against Falling Arborists) and the Cornell Chapter MADAA (Mothers Against Downward Accelerating Arborists)
