Final Wishes

[Dan Cobb]

Wife ran across this...

 

[Treezybreez]

Oh come on, you would at least need a 12" chipper just to fit your your average Joe through.

 

[Jonny]

I wanna get my Superman costumed corpse yeeted out of a helicopter over a populated area.

Probably costly but I bet it’s still cheaper than traditional burial.

 

[cerviarborist]

This option works well too. Guaranteed to keep folks talking about you long after you're gone.

 

[flushcut]

Oh come on, you would at least need a 12" chipper just to fit your your average Joe through.

Bigger if frozen to get better chip quality.

 

[VenasNursery]

Bigger if frozen to get better chip quality.

Don’t clog as easy either

 

[Tom Dunlap]

John Prine had the best comment on dieing.

Woke up this morning
Put on my slippers
Walked in the kitchen and died
And oh what a feeling!
When my soul went through the ceiling
And on up into heaven I did ride
When I got there they did say
John, it happened this way
You slipped upon the floor
And hit your head
And all the angels say
Just before you passed away
These were the very last words
That you said
Please don't bury me
Down in the cold cold ground
No, I'd druther have 'em cut me up
And pass me all around
Throw my brain in a hurricane
And the blind can have my eyes
And the deaf can take both of my ears
If they don't mind the size
Give my stomach to Milwaukee
If they run out of beer
Put my socks in a cedar box
Just get 'em out of here
Venus de Milo can have my arms
Look out! I've got your nose
Sell my heart to the Junkman
And give my love to Rose
But please don't bury me
Down in that cold, cold ground
No, I'd druther have 'em cut me up
And pass me all around
Throw my brain in a hurricane
And the blind can have my eyes
And the deaf can take both of my ears
If they don't mind the size
Give my feet to the footloose
Careless, fancy free
Give my knees to the needy
Don't pull that stuff on me
Hand me down my walking cane
It's a sin to tell a lie
Send my mouth way down south
And kiss my ass goodbye
But please don't bury me
Down in that cold cold ground
No, I'd druther have 'em cut me up
And pass me all around
Throw my brain in a hurricane
And the blind can have my eyes
And the deaf can take both of my ears
If they don't mind the size

Songwriters: John Prine

Please Don't Bury Me lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc

 

[jmcscrap]

I've always wanted to get an old hearse and name the company Deadwood. Imagine the customers when you pull up to bid a job.

 

[Tom Dunlap]

I've always wanted to get an old hearse and name the company Deadwood. Imagine the customers when you pull up to bid a job.

I bet a vinyl wrap could make any vehicle look pretty hearse-ish LOL

 

[moss]

Our hero could've used a chipper for this situation but he made out ok anyway:
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/46647/the-ballad-of-blasphemous-bill

-AJ

 

[Tom Dunlap]

good one, Moss!

While watching Fargo I listened to this scene unfold. Something seemed familiar. then, Marge figured it out...and I did too! I let out a huge guffaw...in the theater! My date gave me the Big Elbow and shushed me. Hehehehe...that wasn't a chipper I owned a CHIPPER!

 

[Winchman]

There's also the Green Burial option. https://jhenrystuhr.com/green-natural-burial/

 

[27RMT0N]

An old co-worker of mine used to claim that if a person is sucked through a chipper, by government mandate that chipper must be destroyed. He was a real character and obviously this claim was silly, but one of the best guys I ever worked with.

By the way, composting of human bodies is legal in Washington state, I'm a fan. https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/composting-human-bodies-now-legal-washington-state-n1008606

 

[evo]

I've always wanted to get an old hearse and name the company Deadwood. Imagine the customers when you pull up to bid a job.

Crap now I want a hearse

 

[27RMT0N]

Crap now I want a hearse

$2,750 in Eugene! https://eugene.craigslist.org/ctd/d/eugene-1982-cadillac-deville-hearse/7275428863.html

("The engine does run, but we would not recommend a long trip with it.")

 

[Naturarbo]

Oh come on, you would at least need a 12" chipper just to fit your your average Joe through.

not if you limb them abit

 

[Treezybreez]

not if you limb them abit

But we're trying to cut down on labor costs. All the extra prep work would cost an arm and a leg.

 

[jmcscrap]

But we're trying to cut down on labor costs. All the extra prep work would cost an arm and a leg.

 

[Treezybreez]

Never go up against a sicilian when death us on the line...