Every time I opens these threads I, like probably most of us, am hoping to see @climbingmonkey24 put a post up saying he had a good therapy session, or went to a NA meeting, or did SOMETHING constructive. And every time I'm let down. It's just them same ol' stuff over and over. Like a horrible straight to TV version of Groundhog Day. You can't blame people for getting jaded or tapping out. Shit's exhausting. You can't help people who don't want to be helped.
I’m done
- Thread starter climbingmonkey24
- Start date
Hey Chris, my name is Craig. I've been around and absent from the Buzz for a few years. I don't know you well but I can relate to frustrations of life, and hiding from within one's self. Fortunately, I've never let myself become addicted, with the exceptions of nicotine and caffeine. It's been said that nicotine IS the hardest to quit. I'm not sure about that but, one day with some minimal prodding from my "wife," I put my last cigarette down almost 9 years ago. It was all in my head. I just had to wake myself up and say, "NO FAWKIN MORE!!!" That was the end.
I grew up as an angry kid. Somehow I kept myself out of troubles. No angel here for sure, I just managed to carry my day to day. I lived many years of life with rage. I channeled that into my work ethics. Along that journey, I practiced what my father taught me, do the right job and do it well.
Not lecturing you my friend. Just wanting to give you a bit of incentive. Many good peeps here. All of whom have reached out to you, and continue to do so. Face the fear of your unknown, the love of yourself. You're of worthy to note, you have reached out in kindness, as mentioned in the beginning of this thread. I even read the origins of that post before finding myself reading 13pgs of this thread. I thought to myself, ''what a great guy,'' and you are.
Face your fears, and share yourself here.
The good peeps here are listening. We are not judging.
I grew up as an angry kid. Somehow I kept myself out of troubles. No angel here for sure, I just managed to carry my day to day. I lived many years of life with rage. I channeled that into my work ethics. Along that journey, I practiced what my father taught me, do the right job and do it well.
Not lecturing you my friend. Just wanting to give you a bit of incentive. Many good peeps here. All of whom have reached out to you, and continue to do so. Face the fear of your unknown, the love of yourself. You're of worthy to note, you have reached out in kindness, as mentioned in the beginning of this thread. I even read the origins of that post before finding myself reading 13pgs of this thread. I thought to myself, ''what a great guy,'' and you are.
Face your fears, and share yourself here.
The good peeps here are listening. We are not judging.
Last edited:
All we can do is encourage. Hopefully that may be enough to make a difference.
Indeed. All up to Chris. Sometimes it is a short journey and sometimes the journey is longer. Stay the course Chris. Throw in the towel, you are so worth it.
climbingmonkey24
Carpal tunnel level member
- Location
- United States
Sorry to disappoint you I guess.
Last edited:
climbingmonkey24
Carpal tunnel level member
- Location
- United States
Yeah ok….
Last edited:
Don't worry about disappointing me, worry about disappointing yourself, your mom, your dad, friends, siblings, the girl you smile to at the gym, your cat....whatever it is in your life that gets you out of bed. That's who you shouldn't want to disappoint. Nearly all of us will wake up tomorrow and not give you a single thought until we come back to the Buzz. To you, we're nobody. Just strangers on the internet. You shouldn't care what we think or say. You, on the other hand, are the most important person in your life. And those that you have personal connections to are a close second.
Last edited:
climbingmonkey24
Carpal tunnel level member
- Location
- United States
I wouldn’t necessarily say everyone here is just a stranger on the internet, to me at least.
I’m grateful to have been able to develop some connections with some people on here over the years and outside of just interacting across the forums as well.
Last edited:
You demonstrate compassion, which is an excellent quality of yourself, my friend.
BTW, music ....sometimes an excellent ''tool'' to sooth the soul and lift one's spirit.
Have a great day today. Along the way, do the little things that make you feel good about yourself.
dspacio
Branched out member
- Location
- Narragansett Bay
the other day I was entertaining a desperate viewpoint, reliving failures, wondering how I am here with (what can look like) little to show for it, after all the spinning wheels, relational burns, scrapes and bruises, just hitting this sense that I fail over and over.
I wonder why all the effort and study, work and skill almost feels like a delusion.
what I was left with was the truth that my own self, my presence, my flesh and blood body, my capacity in the moment to be helpful or kind, is the utter accomplishment.
I don't need anything else to show for it. The fact I can smile is the truth.
I don't do what I do, to prove much. I don't live in a proven world. The ones I strive to show off for are the ancestors who created my chance here. The memory of what we've been through has become my strength in the hardest times.
I mastered not giving a fuck about what others think by around 9 years. It sounds like you have that part figured out; it's a decent trick to allow ourselves to build confidence and maintain authenticity. What I have come to see more clearly this year is that I did that by closing off my heart massively. I saw it like huge fortress gates, and I was able to crack them apart a bit and see the light and energy that is being held back; piercing through with pressure and force.
Without connecting to our hearts, the real feelings of our life; .. there is low chance of a mental escape, answer or solution to these levels of dilemma and anguish.
(Coherent and potent interaction with the medicines of Sassafras and Mistletoe allowed me to feel through my heart, since then I can tune into that note and try callibrating)
What brought me out of that spin the other day, was searching through for one area in my life that was a Full Yes. Once I found that, I started remembering all that I have to live for. It's never everything that gets figured out. That would be a boring robotic way that is not akin to tree folk. Trees grow toward the light. I don't think they really plan ahead that much.
I wonder why all the effort and study, work and skill almost feels like a delusion.
what I was left with was the truth that my own self, my presence, my flesh and blood body, my capacity in the moment to be helpful or kind, is the utter accomplishment.
I don't need anything else to show for it. The fact I can smile is the truth.
I don't do what I do, to prove much. I don't live in a proven world. The ones I strive to show off for are the ancestors who created my chance here. The memory of what we've been through has become my strength in the hardest times.
I mastered not giving a fuck about what others think by around 9 years. It sounds like you have that part figured out; it's a decent trick to allow ourselves to build confidence and maintain authenticity. What I have come to see more clearly this year is that I did that by closing off my heart massively. I saw it like huge fortress gates, and I was able to crack them apart a bit and see the light and energy that is being held back; piercing through with pressure and force.
Without connecting to our hearts, the real feelings of our life; .. there is low chance of a mental escape, answer or solution to these levels of dilemma and anguish.
(Coherent and potent interaction with the medicines of Sassafras and Mistletoe allowed me to feel through my heart, since then I can tune into that note and try callibrating)
What brought me out of that spin the other day, was searching through for one area in my life that was a Full Yes. Once I found that, I started remembering all that I have to live for. It's never everything that gets figured out. That would be a boring robotic way that is not akin to tree folk. Trees grow toward the light. I don't think they really plan ahead that much.
JCB
Branched out member
- Location
- Westport, Mass.
Wow, thanks for hitting all the nails on the head! I was just about to raise the topic of "self-talk," a practice that can easily bring us, or steal from us, contentment and self-respect. Constantly try to catch yourself in real time: Are you grumbling about the asshole next door, flailing yourself for some perceived weakness, whining about a long-held grudge, or simply humming a tune?
“You are ready and able to do beautiful things in this world, and as you walk through those doors today, you will only have two choices: love or fear. Choose love, and don’t ever let fear turn you against your playful heart.” --Jim Carrey
These days, almost all of my decisions and self-confidence come from considering the lives, actions, and integrity of the best people I have known. It's difficult to look around today and find great examples of moral life and behavior (although I have witnessed much of that upstanding grace and goodwill in this forum). So I ask myself, "What would my father have said, what would old Pete have done?" I understand that not everyone has had exemplary parents, siblings, friends, teachers, or spouses. That's when one must look elsewhere for someone to admire, and attempt to emulate them. As you say, we live not to prove something to someone else, but to be guided by the light emitted by those we cherish and respect.
I agree that it takes a lot of energy to not give a shit because deep down, naturally, we all do. To lock yourself in that position deprives you of any positive impetus you may experience. That said, it's equally important to practice not giving a shit about the lousy relationships and influences in your life: Let them go! The reason social media is destroying so many lives is that many folks cling to these unhealthy relationships. Don't be afraid to "un-friend" those who will always bring you down. Better to have no friends than bad friends.
Perhaps it's better to think of life as a job interview, in which we point to all of the things we are good at--instead of more typically telling ourselves and others how worthless we are.
Thanks so much "dspacio." I hope you don't mind my elaborations on your eloquent thoughts....
dspacio
Branched out member
- Location
- Narragansett Bay
Thank you. It's an honor to be heard and to read your reflections of that.
It can be hard to find those who really understand what we go through. I value the kinship we have here.
"you will only have two choices: love or fear."
Meeting the trees, this choice is often present in an extreme sense. It is my love for trees themselves that push me through fear. It's love of family and my desire to care for them. And it's the strength of all life that wants us to succeed, when we are putting ourselves out on the line for these pure reasons.
In a time where the 'popular heroes' are celebrated for being rich, clean, criminal, or fantasy superheroes; meanwhile decades of sitcoms paint the honest worker Dad as a dimwit shmuck, it certainly is hard to find a true role model any more. Then sets in the stark reality that it is just Us who rise to the occasion every day. It's only through 7 generations principles and some connection to spiritual life that any of my struggles mean anything today. To be an honest hard worker today is to get beat down continually and robbed of our value by diminishing financial schemes masquerading as a legitimate economy. To know this and go forward anyway, is an act of honor, cherishing truth.
A friend just said: Everything we know is deteriorating. Every plant, human, construction, begins the process of decay and change and never ceases. The only thing that doesn't change or fade is Truth.
Finding what is true for us, can make it possible to live with integrity even when everything we've been sold is a lie.
I know I exist made of the blood of my ancestors. I know I am at home surrounded by my arboreal brethren and the environment they steward. I know this Earth is my home.
I trust that my inspiration to give, create and love is True; and I follow that instinct without regard for any flack from below the level of the Creator and Creation itself.
[ Chris, I am sharing ways I have built a foundation of reality to move forward. I won't guess or speak into your life right now. I hope that words from a fellow can ring for you. The depths of darkness are real, and they can be true. but they aren't "The Truth." in the end, it's up to us to create Meaning in our life. What served for American culture has been hollowed out and this leaves a great challenge for us. We must create our own culture and sense of Life. I hope you rekindle the sense for yourself.
It can just be one thing. A piece of breaking my depression was gathering loads of native wildflower seeds, making them into seedballs with clay and compost, and sowing these all over the place. It only has the Meaning I give to it. Yet it Saved My Life.
Hear hear, beautiful words @dspacio . Spirituality doesn't have to mean religion so there's room for everyone in this boat. The idea of making your own meaning seems like a key to unlock the potential of a person's life.
@dspacio your words:
"To be an honest hard worker today is to get beat down continually and robbed of our value by diminishing financial schemes masquerading as a legitimate economy. To know this and go forward anyway, is an act of honor, cherishing truth." 100% spot on.
Best analogy of today's broken world with it's screwed value systems and poor ethics.
"To be an honest hard worker today is to get beat down continually and robbed of our value by diminishing financial schemes masquerading as a legitimate economy. To know this and go forward anyway, is an act of honor, cherishing truth." 100% spot on.
Best analogy of today's broken world with it's screwed value systems and poor ethics.
Mick Dempsey
Carpal tunnel level member
- Location
- France
What a load of bollocks.
Serf Life
Been here much more than a while
- Location
- Maine Island
Coming out of your mouth?
It begs the question why are you even following this thread? Why don't you explain your own viewpoint instead of downgrading someone else's?
dspacio
Branched out member
- Location
- Narragansett Bay
thanks @islandarb . its still quite a thing to live life. these dramas and destructions are beyond my design and beyond my repair. the closer i come to truth, the less I willingly submit to false ways. the closer we are to nature, the closer we find truth.
climbingmonkey24
Carpal tunnel level member
- Location
- United States
Honestly man I have never understood what your problem is. In countless threads I have seen you attack other members and act like you are superior and for what reason? You don’t have to agree with everything someone is saying, but if you have nothing positive to say why put other people down or be negative?
Serf Life
Been here much more than a while
- Location
- Maine Island
I’m guessing he’ll say “je ne sais pas”…
