I struggle with balance. I struggle with being happy. It's either so busy I hope for a rain day or there's nothing. When there's nothing I'm worried about not having work. My business is tanking this year. What I did to try to maintain my sanity is to get myself in a financial place where I don't have to panic if I don't have any work. I also put myself in a place where I can make the choice to lower my rates and get work or keep the rates and not work. I have enough capital I can stop working today and not have to sell the truck for about 10 months. Maybe a year if I cancel my insurance and just cover the truck parked. Work limps in and rite now the goal is to cover all the expenses. I've been able to do that except for FEB MAR APR. I lost money all 3 of those months. As long as I dont have to dip into the account to cover the bills I'll let it ride out and see what the future holds. If it comes to the point where I'm loosing a lot of money every month then I'll have to decide if I wanna sell the truck or not. If I do, I have no idea what I'll do. I'm not the climber I was 6 years ago. My skills and knowledge are way surpassed by the next generation of climbers. I'm old and fairly grumpy. I don't know anybody that would hire me and that I'd be willing to work for. I have no desire to grind hard. Really I just wanna do crane work as a climber. Its so strange. Not having work makes me not wanna work when I have work. I hate the time off but dread having a full week of work. Up is down, left is rite, nothing makes sense anymore. I have to say this is the most strange and confusing time I've ever experienced in my own personal journey. SO much internal dialogue. I'm not sure I'm the one I should be hanging out with all the time. LOL. The balance thing is a common bond but manifests in so many different ways. I think, for myself, the best effort I can put in to not give a shit and just let the universe guide me, might be the most sane approach for now. This business pattern has broken the mold from what I've experienced in years past. Thanks goodness I get a retirement check from the FD to help.