Hi

Hey! I’m cooking up a pair of chicken breasts stuffed with cheddar and asparagus for dinner, with some steamed green beans on the side.

After that, I have a date with a stump grinder with a pile of dull teeth that needs to be out the door first thing in the morning.
 
owScott said:
200t needs switched fixed for wrecking tomorrow, dump trailer wont dump think its electrical, shoulder hurts, fuk it I am going to bed.
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About the same here. Took my first week off in two years, got the shit bit out of me by a cat rescue (day 1 of my “vacation”). Got my shoulder xrayed yesterday, and tomorrow is a genetic consultation based on some rare genetic disease in my blood line…
But I fixed the recoil on my 395, and plan on being more than a useless heap tomorrow.
 
southsoundtree said:
@RyanCafferky do you know what kinda tree damage the is in PDF metro?
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Sean-

I was in Portland for a bit on Tuesday and saw a lot of big leaf maples damaged. Seemed like anything that was starting to leaf out or had a lot of flowers or catkins was more likely to hold the snow and break. The big leaf maples with their big flower clusters really seemed to take a hit.

I am mostly working in Hood River these days. I finally bought a chip truck and chipper and am doing my own jobs out here. We had quite a bit of snow damage out here as well. Not as devastating as an ice storm but certainly enough to make people look at their trees.
 
I saw what you had written man. I’ve been writing and deleting and writing and deleting for a while now. I’m a bad critic when trying to put my own thoughts into words lol.
I’m hurting for you brother. You are well loved here at the Buzz and by me, and it’s been a true pleasure watching your skills, knowledge, and experiences develop over the years. You’ve brought some excellent conversations to this forum, and I’ll bet some of your writing has really helped some new climbers. The vibe I get from your writing is that you legit got some heavy struggles, and you’re a good person, and you care about others. Empathy is, in my opinion, the number one characteristic that separates good people from bad people, and you strike me as an empathetic guy.

I think I get where you’re coming from man. Got some past attempts, and it’s on my mind most days. Eventually it feels like enough is enough. Just hurt, and stress, and trauma, and anger, and loss and all this bad shit that goes mostly unresolved with little to none of the joys and pleasures that help offset the hurt. And it just keeps coming. There’s always some more awfulness to add to the pile of awfulness, and then you have to just live with it. Maybe pretend it doesn’t exist. I’m probably one bad day away from going back to the dope, but it’d take a truly bad day. It’s such a powerful escape from all forms of pain, not just physical pain. Literally not a care in the world, it’s fuckin magical. But it doesn’t last and that pain relief debt comes back hard and charges interest. Addiction is where most folks would find their rock bottom. It brings along lots of money problems and one little interaction with a cop will really ruin a fella’s day.

I’ve pretty well decided that I will exit by my own hand, and on my own terms, and I don’t think that’s as horrible as many would have us believe.
It’s not going to be today though, and I just decided it probably won’t be tomorrow either. For now there’s still a chance that I could have a beautiful tomorrow. Who knows?

I can’t lecture you about about why suicide should never ever be an option. To me, it’s an attractive option sometimes. I want to tell you to wait though. Make a small change or a small reasonable goal to try to find a little happiness or to try to help someone. Find some pleasure and smiles and enjoyment for others as well as yourself. I’ll sometimes try to make a little positive change in myself and pick a future calendar date in my head, and tell myself I’ll revisit this exit strategy then. Usually when the date comes, I can see something else I can maybe realistically make better without a godlike effort. The good shit that offsets the constant stream of bad is out there for the taking. Occasionally it’ll fall right into my lap, but more often than not, I gotta look or work for it. Worth it.

I just want you to wait some more man, and see if there is more good stuff to be had tomorrow and the next tomorrow.
 
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@climbingmonkey24 no one here knows what you're dealing with or has the means to help you through it. We're supportive, we're empathetic, we're always here to listen, but we don't have the skills to pull someone out of the abyss. In fact, no one does but you.

There are people out there who can help, but you have to seek them out. That you're even on the Buzz posting about your troubles tells me you want the help. Seek it out man.

Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255

Remember, you don't have to be optimistic for tomorrow, just curious enough to see what it brings.
 
Stop the fucking pity party and get your shit together man. Nobody is going to do the hard work for you. If you don't care, you can't expect others to care.
 
Im so sorry you're in pain, please talk to somebody

In addition to the above number, here are a few more groups.

Warm line- just folks to talk to, I've used it in the past and it helped a few dark nights.

warmline.org

Home - WARMLINE.ORG

Directory by state of WARMLINES. A WARMLINE is staffed with Peer Specialists who can offer hope, strength, and knowledge gained from their own personal experiences living with mental health issues and/or substance use disorders.
warmline.org warmline.org

Also the samaritans, if you're in Massachusetts

 
Sometimes when im feeling especially down, i like to think about absolute value of emotions, just like in math, where +5 has the same value as -5
and I imagine that these emotions are entirely what our lives in human form are. I imagine that feeling -5 is just a feeling, much less pleasant than a +5, but still valuable in its own right, and I believe there are +10s and -10s to come, but thats what life is and I try to allow myself to just experience the feelings without guilt and know that some wounds never heal, and its perfectly fine to feel bad. Then I try to sleep for a couple days if I can )
Peace brother, Im rooting for you.
 
climbingmonkey24 said:
Whatever dude I don’t expect you to understand and I don’t need to fucking explain myself to any of you. Fuck this place. I’m done with treebuzz and all of you. Go take your pity party and shove it. Like you know everything about what everyone else is going through. You know nothing about me or my life other than what I’ve posted about since I’ve been on these forums.

One day you’ll regret what you said and realize maybe not everyone who was going through a hard time was feeling sorry for themselves but just struggling.

Guess this is the society we live in where if an adult male is struggling people just assume they’re just feeling sorry for themselves.

Mark my words you’ll pay the price one day and regret what you said.

The nerve of you to tell me out of all people to stop with the pitty party.

Well I’ll show you. Thanks for giving me the motivation I obviously was lacking.

/ place
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You still have some emotions. That's good. You're not all gone yet.

I've been there too man. Thinking all is hopeless. Feeling like nobody gets me. Wondering what's the point. I lost track of how many times I sat at the edge of the bed contemplating if this would be the day. So while I don't get your personal struggle, I do understand the overall struggle.

I'm trying to weed out what it is your looking for from us at the Buzz. Multiple people (including me) have reached out to you before and offered their 1:1 support. You've been given tips and places for getting some help. You keep coming back to a bunch of internet strangers. Maybe you just want to be heard, get some thoughts out, whatever. Let it flow man. Everything. We'll always listen.
 
climbingmonkey24 said:
/ thread
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Greetings, ClimbingMonkey24
I only just saw this thread now. I really want to encourage you to live for what is good in this life.
I remember your thread about not feeling certain, about doing tree work, as you had in the past.
It was nice to converse with you on the subject, it gave me insight into my work, and how things have gone in my life since starting tree work.
 
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climbingmonkey24 said:
I just don’t know anymore, feel like I’m headed towards a big crash.
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Really good thing to be able to notice. That is a very good step, I hope you search out the resources (counseling, meds, locale change, rest…) to address that. Folks on here have referenced a few options and many on the other threads you’ve contributed to.
climbingmonkey24 said:
Nobody obviously can help me or cares about my struggles. I’m just the dumb climber feeling sorry for himself right?
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That’s bullshit and you must know that. If you want to isolate yourself (as is brutally common with mental health issues) I understand that entirely, lashing out with comments like that is not helpful. There is legit love coming your way from this forum and folks who battle with this shit, saying no one cares fucking pisses me off.
climbingmonkey24 said:
Damn jealous of all you out there living your life freely.

I try every day to feel like that but have not been successful as of yet.
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Brother, I am right there with you. Hope I never tell her this, but if my daughter wasn’t conceived you’d be messaging with a ghost.
 
climbingmonkey24 said:
Wow...I love you guy’s so much.

Such feels tonight....
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Hey man. I want to apologize for my comments the other day. I was trying a tough love approach and either it was a shit attempt or it's not something you respond to.

I do care. I wouldn't come on here posting if I didn't. I want a way to get through to you to really open up, because that's the biggest step toward healing. If you're not ready for that yet and just want to feel some love, that's cool. We're here for that too. If you want to get deep, hit me with a PM. I can relate on a certain level to what you're going through.

Much love brother.
 
Boomslang said:
Hey man. I want to apologize for my comments the other day. I was trying a tough love approach and either it was a shit attempt or it's not something you respond to.

I do care. I wouldn't come on here posting if I didn't. I want a way to get through to you to really open up, because that's the biggest step toward healing. If you're not ready for that yet and just want to feel some love, that's cool. We're here for that too. If you want to get deep, hit me with a PM. I can relate on a certain level to what you're going through.

Much love brother.
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Hey there...

The last week has been a little rough. I am guilty of coming on here an rambling incoherently. I don’t take offense to what you said at all. If anything, I would NOT have said some of the things I’ve said if I hadn’t been in a bad mental space. I appreciate the love and support all the same.
 
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