I’m done

Evo, your writing of the gun to your mouth brought back a memory. I know what you mean by leaving death to chance.
I got in a fight with my wife’s uncle who was staying at our home. He went and pulled a revolver. I proceeded to get to my knees and lean into the barrel. I could see the newspaper article “Wife’s uncle kills husband in front yard”. I thought this was a win win. He gets locked up and I get dead without having to do it myself. He pulled the trigger and nothing happened. I found the gun the next day 50% loaded.
 
It’s a battle, no doubt about that brother.

Once the withdrawal pains are in the past, the boredom can really take hold.

May I ask what the substance is you’re having trouble with? I was a heavy opiate/ opioid addict for a while. Wrecked a lot of my accessible veins, ended up with some deep vein thrombosis, sepsis, and infection at the sites of injections. Had to get admitted to the hospital for all that, so had no choice but to abstain for 6 days or so. All the acute withdrawal symptoms had passed by then, so I haven’t used since.

Is using weed out of the question? A little weed is a great tool to combat the post acute withdrawal syndrome and boredom. Depending on strain, it can help immensely with motivation and energy, or sleep.
Maybe it sounds like using weed is substituting one substance for another, and to some degree I guess that’s correct. Still, weed is much less dangerous, and doesn’t drain the bank account very much.

I also used kratom to kick the stronger drugs, and still do use it sometimes. Interesting stuff, I like it in the morning with a bunch of coffee or an energy drink.


I feel for ya brother. I swear it’s easier than you might think. A lot of the fight is in one’s own head. The fear of withdrawal is somehow worse than the actual withdrawal, at least for me. I would dread it and fear it, but once the first 3-4 days are done, I’d realize it wasn’t THAT bad.
 
climbingmonkey24 said:
For the life of me what is wrong with just wanting to be happy and free? That’s all I want? I’m tired of this lifestyle
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Might help us all if you define "happy" and "free" in your terms. I'd like to know what that looks like for you. It can be different for us all, but both are good goals to have.
 
climbingmonkey24 said:
But I’ve about reached the end of my rope here
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Once you actually reach the very end of your rope, you will be in a better place than you are right now. It will seem like you are in a terrible place, but the good part of it is that you will actually know where you are. You won’t be floating somewhere in between, you will actually be at your very limit. From there, and only from there, can you really start to advance towards where you want to be. And from that point, at the end of your rope, the only direction you can move is a positive direction.
 
climbingmonkey24 said:
Love you all, thanks for all the effort and time... :confused:
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We have done our part and now it’s time for you to do yours.
Tell us about what is going on for you. What’s your addiction, what’s your pain. We have opened up, and now it’s your turn. Get vulnerable, it sucks and might trigger some shit in you. If it does, good! As that is what you need to work on to get whole.
I like to be non confrontational but you need confrontation. Listen to what others have to say here and open up, your pain and scars are unique to you, but many of us have gone through our own shit and have our own deep pains and scars.
Time for you to do your part, recognizing you have a problem is a good first step, time for the next.
 
Now we are talking. If you give us a bit of your life struggles we can talk you through a few different avenues of tackling these bumps and life hiccups. At 55 I have seen a few sunsets and many were not even seen because of my life troubles and addictions. I have some experience with darkness and how to get to the other side. No judging just plain old concern and a willingness to help with all my heart. Opening up is the beginning to healing. Give it a thought bro.
 
Ok not sure where I left off. But I think after I left Canada in 87 and returned to Barbados, mainly because I dropped out of school and was caught shoplifting to support my addictions. I was put to work doing land surveying as a chainman for $25 US a week as a stipend to learn the trade. Geez talk about hard ass work. Well I then had to " pinch " money from my dad to support my habits. Snorting coke and drinking. Partying every night. Oh what an asshole son I was. My parents were oblivious and too kind. I was 21 and a real loser......will continue......
 
islandarb said:
Ok not sure where I left off. But I think after I left Canada in 87 and returned to Barbados, mainly because I dropped out of school and was caught shoplifting to support my addictions. I was put to work doing land surveying as a chainman for $25 US a week as a stipend to learn the trade. Geez talk about hard ass work. Well I then had to " pinch " money from my dad to support my habits. Snorting coke and drinking. Partying every night. Oh what an asshole son I was. My parents were oblivious and too kind. I was 21 and a real loser......will continue......
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Appreciate you sharing so much. You and everyone else putting themselves out there or out "here". Takes guts.

I hope you have had talks with your parents since your realization?
 
Mark Chisholm said:
Appreciate you sharing so much. You and everyone else putting themselves out there or out "here". Takes guts.

I hope you have had talks with your parents since your realization?
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Unfortunately Mark they died before I got sober. A bitter pill indeed. They knew I loved them though. I will share more as time goes. This is actually good for me too. Talk therapy and sharing one's deep dark past can help heal things that might have long been suppressed. There is no shame in things past, as long as change is made. I still have loads of baggage I need to offload. This thread has opened my eyes to this. Life can be busy and raising young kids takes up so much time, it is often hard to work on oneself.
 
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