No one can understand unless they've been through the symptoms. It's just bizarre. I could feel something building, feel reality slipping away. And wham it was like I took a knock out punch. My head snapped back and I went unconsious for a few seconds or minutes who knows. Came to and my life had changed drastically. I couldn't eat anything without crapping it out seconds later, I was afraid to get more than 5 minutes away from a toilet. That was the first year, no work for me.
I'm telling this story because not long ago and even still I think people would spit on someone like that and throw rocks at them. I think it's about as bad as it gets due to the lack of understanding. People just don't send you flowers for it. It's cause is simple, an imbalance of some brain chemical. My guess is too much bad stress adrenalin. It's like your mind has a mind of it's own.
I, like some soldiers got this wonderful life from doing the dirty work of protecting society from basically evil. We don't get much of a thanks, actually we become an all too common liabilty to the original employer and the solution is to get rid of us. I was the guy who took the job serious and picked up the slack for the rest who didn't burn out. Oh well, climbing trees sure makes me happy now from the good stress. Getting a dog is great as well I've even heard of people getting service dogs for their treatment.
I barely made it a week on my first job. Never been fired or even faced disipline at any job prior. I would of fired me too. Got another job immediatley caretaking a remote camp. Me, a pack of wolves, white sand beaches and all the fresh fish and blueberries I could eat, it was perfect. Then to school and currently my own boss.
If anyone like me is reading this, good luck, stay positive, it gets better every year. And don't be afaid of anti-depressants. This is the toughest time of year.
