Any recovering addicts here?

Jonny

Well-Known Member
Location
Buffalo
Clean since August 2015. Opiates was my poison. Started with pills, ended with a bunch of gross infected vein thrombosis, and a little cold turkey in ICU where I healed. Ran out of usable veins and was starting on the neck. Bad bad shit.
Used to do a lot of coke in early to mid 2000s too, but that shit is mostly in one’s head. Dope is legit pain and suffering when withdrawing.
Still a little weed or a drink every now and then but even that’s kinda rare now.

Been there, and I can sympathize man.
 

climbingmonkey24

Well-Known Member
Location
Ludlow
Opiates have been my addiction. But I've also had problems with alcohol here and there at times when I wasn't using opiates.

I've been in an outpatient opiate addiction program for the last two years and have been doing real well. My last major opiate relapse was at the end of last year around October / November. Now during the last three years alcohol wasn't a part of my life. I had some times where I would slip and have a coupe drinks but nothing major. I had no desire to drink really.

Fast forward to the beginning of this year when the Pandemic started. I noticed my urges to start using and stuff getting stronger and stronger. I did slip I think in May and start relapsing but stopped as soon as I started. Still struggling with urges.

Then sometime around the end of May beginning of June I decided to drink, and it took off like wildfire. I don't even know how. Anytime in the last three years when I drank I would only have 2-3 drinks, and then be done for months. Like I said alcohol was mainly something I used if I didn't have opiates.

So for the last 3-4 months drinking has been a part of my routine weekly. Averaging about 2-3 days per week. Some weeks I have drank more than that, but for the most part I would say about 2-3 times. But when I drink I drink A LOT. To get that alcohol buzz.

A huge part in my recovery was going to the gym every morning. That stopped with the Pandemic. I have a home gym and workout at home, but just isn't the same as going to the gym, leaving the house, seeing people, etc. I know the chaos the Pandemic has created and all the crap that's going on in the world must be what's driving this.

But I don't want to drink. I shouldn't be drinking. Moderation isn't an option for me.

I just feel like I've screwed everything up. I don't drink because I crave it or feel I need it, I usually drink because I start feeling down, anxious or depressed with everything that's going on.

I would never have expected to ever be drinking again, I mean it hadn't been in my life that much for 3 years. So I just don't know. I can stop drinking, but I think my frustration and depression and anxiety about this crazy ass situation we are all in is what is driving my urges to get fucked up to just pass the time I guess. I don't know.
 

Serf Life

Well-Known Member
Location
Maine Island
You’ve got this. Being as self aware as you are will help with the battle. Some people don’t understand how much of a daily fight addiction/mental-health issues really is. I saw a shrink a number of years for constant depression and one of the things that really clicked is the theory of “archetypes” and how to have a healthy relationship with them inside oneself. My most common/apparent one is the Warrior which helps me soldier on against black days and self-loathing so I can be functioning and active in my family and community. It doesn’t always work every day but it’s a long game tactic. 34 weeks without drinking which may be helping mood, honestly can’t tell except for being less sore and better sleep. You have made big steps so try to not beat yourself up about a regression and leaning on the bottle, turn that feeling on itself and curb-stomp that shit.
 

Reach

Well-Known Member
Location
Atglen, PA
Opiates have been my addiction. But I've also had problems with alcohol here and there at times when I wasn't using opiates.

I've been in an outpatient opiate addiction program for the last two years and have been doing real well. My last major opiate relapse was at the end of last year around October / November. Now during the last three years alcohol wasn't a part of my life. I had some times where I would slip and have a coupe drinks but nothing major. I had no desire to drink really.

Fast forward to the beginning of this year when the Pandemic started. I noticed my urges to start using and stuff getting stronger and stronger. I did slip I think in May and start relapsing but stopped as soon as I started. Still struggling with urges.

Then sometime around the end of May beginning of June I decided to drink, and it took off like wildfire. I don't even know how. Anytime in the last three years when I drank I would only have 2-3 drinks, and then be done for months. Like I said alcohol was mainly something I used if I didn't have opiates.

So for the last 3-4 months drinking has been a part of my routine weekly. Averaging about 2-3 days per week. Some weeks I have drank more than that, but for the most part I would say about 2-3 times. But when I drink I drink A LOT. To get that alcohol buzz.

A huge part in my recovery was going to the gym every morning. That stopped with the Pandemic. I have a home gym and workout at home, but just isn't the same as going to the gym, leaving the house, seeing people, etc. I know the chaos the Pandemic has created and all the crap that's going on in the world must be what's driving this.

But I don't want to drink. I shouldn't be drinking. Moderation isn't an option for me.

I just feel like I've screwed everything up. I don't drink because I crave it or feel I need it, I usually drink because I start feeling down, anxious or depressed with everything that's going on.

I would never have expected to ever be drinking again, I mean it hadn't been in my life that much for 3 years. So I just don't know. I can stop drinking, but I think my frustration and depression and anxiety about this crazy ass situation we are all in is what is driving my urges to get fucked up to just pass the time I guess. I don't know.
As an addict for ten years, and now clean for four, I can speak to how hard it is to fight off the urges. I once went more than a year clean, about ten years ago, but then got back into the stuff worse than I had been before.

You CAN get yourself off the stuff, of that I am sure. However, it’s nearly impossible to quit by yourself. I used a couple things to help me, I started meeting regularly with my pastor, and with an addiction counselor. I also joined Celebrate Recovery, which gave me a group of people with similar pasts, and a truly judgment free zone to share anything I wanted to. CR also connected me with an accountability partner I still speak with more days than not, he is a friend who has a similar past to mine, and who I can talk to and who is there any time I need help to fight through my urges.
 

VenasNursery

Well-Known Member
Location
Michigan
As an addict for ten years, and now clean for four, I can speak to how hard it is to fight off the urges. I once went more than a year clean, about ten years ago, but then got back into the stuff worse than I had been before.

You CAN get yourself off the stuff, of that I am sure. However, it’s nearly impossible to quit by yourself. I used a couple things to help me, I started meeting regularly with my pastor, and with an addiction counselor. I also joined Celebrate Recovery, which gave me a group of people with similar pasts, and a truly judgment free zone to share anything I wanted to. CR also connected me with an accountability partner I still speak with more days than not, he is a friend who has a similar past to mine, and who I can talk to and who is there any time I need help to fight through my urges.
Congrats to all that beat the monkey off their back
I’ve had my fair share of issues
Took me a long tome but I

with my left hand I grab my right ear
With my right hand I grab my left ear
Then I pulled really hard
And my head came right out my ass
 

Jonny

Well-Known Member
Location
Buffalo
Drinking while depressed is so bad man, it’s adding fuel to the fire. I know I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know, but your mood and depression will be so much better after a few days of cessation.

A big problem is boredom. Sounds petty but that’s when I’d always get tempted anyways. Exercise is excellent to combat that. Activities man. Find enjoyment where you can; good food, climbing trees, lifting weights, video games, sex, and caffeine were my escape.
Have you ever tried kratom? I credit it with likely saving my life, it changed so much for me. Making unsubstantiated medical claims about it is severely frowned upon, but I will speak about what I experienced. I no longer need the SSRI drugs the VA kept throwing at me, it seems to have some antidepressant properties for me, it GREATLY reduced acute and post acute opiate withdrawal symptoms, it made it bearable and I was able to sleep some and not have the awful restless leg syndrome that always came with dope sickness. A little boost of energy and motivation. If you have any bit of opiate tolerance, there’s zero buzz in it, but that’s not what I wanted.
I take it pretty often still... I suppose I’m addicted to kratom now, but the worst of the withdrawal is watery eyes and low energy. At around 100$ for a kilogram which lasts me over a month, it’s about 1/40th of what I used to spend at my worst, and I’m not at risk of being arrested for it. There’s really little risk of abusing it. Take too much and you’ll get nauseous and probably puke, and if you have even the slightest opiate tolerance, there’s zero buzz in it anyways.

Probably sounds like I substituted one substance for another, and that probably true, but I’m truly happier and in much better physical and financial shape than I was.
 

brydan

Member
Location
deep south
I also joined Celebrate Recovery, which gave me a group of people with similar pasts, and a truly judgment free zone to share anything I wanted to. CR also connected me with an accountability partner I still speak with more days than not, he is a friend who has a similar past to mine, and who I can talk to and who is there any time I need help to fight through my urges.

The CR crew at my church are the hardest working most dedicated group of people we have. Great group of people.
 

rico

Well-Known Member
Location
redwoods
Opiates have been my addiction. But I've also had problems with alcohol here and there at times when I wasn't using opiates.

I've been in an outpatient opiate addiction program for the last two years and have been doing real well. My last major opiate relapse was at the end of last year around October / November. Now during the last three years alcohol wasn't a part of my life. I had some times where I would slip and have a coupe drinks but nothing major. I had no desire to drink really.

Fast forward to the beginning of this year when the Pandemic started. I noticed my urges to start using and stuff getting stronger and stronger. I did slip I think in May and start relapsing but stopped as soon as I started. Still struggling with urges.

Then sometime around the end of May beginning of June I decided to drink, and it took off like wildfire. I don't even know how. Anytime in the last three years when I drank I would only have 2-3 drinks, and then be done for months. Like I said alcohol was mainly something I used if I didn't have opiates.

So for the last 3-4 months drinking has been a part of my routine weekly. Averaging about 2-3 days per week. Some weeks I have drank more than that, but for the most part I would say about 2-3 times. But when I drink I drink A LOT. To get that alcohol buzz.

A huge part in my recovery was going to the gym every morning. That stopped with the Pandemic. I have a home gym and workout at home, but just isn't the same as going to the gym, leaving the house, seeing people, etc. I know the chaos the Pandemic has created and all the crap that's going on in the world must be what's driving this.

But I don't want to drink. I shouldn't be drinking. Moderation isn't an option for me.

I just feel like I've screwed everything up. I don't drink because I crave it or feel I need it, I usually drink because I start feeling down, anxious or depressed with everything that's going on.

I would never have expected to ever be drinking again, I mean it hadn't been in my life that much for 3 years. So I just don't know. I can stop drinking, but I think my frustration and depression and anxiety about this crazy ass situation we are all in is what is driving my urges to get fucked up to just pass the time I guess. I don't know.
If your gonna get clean, get fucking clean. Your just trading one monkey for another monkey... Fuck that. Ditch the alcohol homie....
 

kymatt

New Member
Location
Amelia
It’s a hard fight but you are definitely not alone. You’re strong enough to admit you have a problem and that means you are already in the right direction again. You can beat the urges. Fighting off a relapse is a intense battle, especially going at it alone, but all of us here I’m certain know you’re worth pulling through this.
 

Reach

Well-Known Member
Location
Atglen, PA
Doesn’t matter I hate myself. What do I have to live for
Plenty! You have friends here that care, you have your family, your work and all the potentials left in your career. I know how hard it is, how lonely and depressing it is, but it’s not all lost. No need to hate yourself. Hate the addiction that has claimed you and fight it with all you have, but don’t fight it alone, and definitely do not hate yourself!
 

Serf Life

Well-Known Member
Location
Maine Island
Now is when you call up a friend or family member. You’re on the internet talking so you want to connect or vent, just hit up someone who knows you, has been there for you, and obviously cares about you. The lows subside bud, having some support when you need it is a good thing.
 

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